The stubborn case

Writers: Chelle, Paula
Date Posted: 16th July 2015

Characters: Olwinna, E'rae
Description: Olwinna tries to help E'rae but you can't always succeed.
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 1, day 2 of Turn 8

Olwinna studied the man sitting on the other side of her desk. She had
elbows on the table, she had crossed her fingers and rested her chin on top
of them. Her grey-blue eyes were calm and kind.
"If you don't want to talk about that, we can talk about something else.
Like your daughter. You have a daughter, yes?" She was very patient.
Sometimes it took a long time until they were ready to open up to her and
they could get to the root of the problem. Olwinna never saw mindhealing as
fixing people's minds. She was a guide, leading them to self exploration
and to fix their own minds.

"No...I'd rather talk about that." That was the problem, not his daughter.
That was what made him unable to sleep. That was what kept him terrified of
ever having other children. E'rae was beginning to think it would never be
fixed. It had been some time now but sometimes he kept going back to that
tree. No one else ever knew, though. That was his alone.

"Good, facing the problem head on. You're here to talk and I'm here to
listen and counsel," Olwinna smiled encouragingly.

"You've read my file right? So what do you think we need to talk about?" He
honestly didn't want to rehash anything. E'rae was about exploring new
territory-something that might fix him. So far, he'd not gotten very far.

"Yes. You had a woman in your life, she got pregnant and lost the baby,
quite tragically. And you're not getting over it," Olwinna gave a very
short summary.

"And after that she got pregnant again. And without telling me, she got rid
of them." That brought up so much animosity and grief and loss that he
almost felt it swallow him whole again. There had been no closure the
second time. He had never seen them, never been able to bury them. He
didn't even know why she had made the choice. He had been left out of all
of it. His hands shook just a bit to betray the intense emotions he was
feeling, but he didn't say anything else just then.

"Have you thought why she did it?" Olwinna asked gently. She was mother
herself, and knew woman wouldn't do it lightly. Not even weyrwoman like
Olwinna. She rather took measures to prevent herself getting pregnant.
Being healer, that was easy. The other one, not so. Sh'low been an accident
(a very dear one), when tea had failed. She had kept the baby when she
discovered she was pregnant. Melwina had been planned. A gift to a man who
had been special to her.

"No. And I can't ask because we aren't talking-won't be talking-ever. I
left the Weyr because I don't think I could ever stand even looking at her
again. It's not the getting rid of them even that bothers me. I mean it
does but...I lived in a Weyr. I know it happens. And if that was what she
wanted to do well....but she didn't even ask me. It was my right to take
her /between/. I don't understand though...after the first one and how
upset she was...I don't know why she would have decided to do it on purpose
the second time." Indeed, he would never understand. And he wished he could
just get over her. He wished he could just forget. But the tree was always
there.

"If you don't talk, you'll never know. Maybe they weren't yours? Sounds
like you have alot of unresolved questions."

"She thought they were mine. So when she killed them, she knew they were
mine and she never asked me. She told me to go away when I went to ask. So
I did. And I never saw her again." If he wanted, he could ask K'mai about
what she was doing, but he didn't want to know-not anymore. Everyone had
told him he needed to move on. So that was what he was trying to do. Maybe
he could move on from her, but he couldn't move on from them-the little
ones.

"It sounds like you're lacking a closure here," Olwinna observed. "Perhaps
neither you were ready for it back then."

"I can't speak to anything about her." He leaned back in his seat. "If
things had gone how they should and I had been able to say goodbye to them,
knowing that it had been partly my choice, then I'd feel very differently.
But I will never have that chance. How will I ever move past it?" That's
what he needed her to tell him.

"You just have to find the way. Life doesn't stop to wait until you catch
up," Olwinna replied. "There's reasons why ceremonies like weddings and
funerals are important to people."

**So that is her answer? That doesn't help me.** Snorting, he got up from
the chair. "Well so far I haven't found anything. So thanks for not helping
much." He had poured his heart out to her. And he needed guidance, but it
seemed she didn't have much for him. Then what good was this? Maybe he was
just better on his own, taking it one day at a time.

"I'm not done with you yet," Olwinna narrowed her eyes at him. "Sit," that
was firm command. "Did you really think we could solve this in one
meeting?" she asked. "It's process and we are just starting it."

He didn't sit despite the tone of voice she used. E'rae might just be a
bluerider but he wasn't under her command. And he didn't exactly really
trust female crafters anyway-being holdbred as he was. "We may be, but I've
been talking to the lot of you healers since I came here and I'm not one
step closer to anything. So why bother?"

"So you just quit because no one has a miracle solution to present you? Sit
down, please," Olwinna asked.

"When something isn't working, you need to find something else that does."
He really didn't want to sit. He wanted to get out of the room. However,
with all the time spent he thought he might at least give her one more
chance despite his disappointment. So he sat. But he didn't look very happy.

"Yes, and we need to find what that something is. Problem is that you've
seen lot of different healers," Olwinna agreed **and not all of them were
mindhealers,** she added to herself.

That wasn't his fault and he sincerely hoped she wasn't suggesting that it
was. The bluerider was again thinking of just leaving. She'd better do
something impressive rather soon or start making sense.

"I have an idea for something we might try. I don't know if it works, but
it certainly won't do any harm either. I'll be back shortly. Don't go
away," Olwinna said. She got up and left the office. She came back few
minutes later, carrying a basket. Inside the basket was a tiny baby, no
more than day or two old. She placed the basket to E'rae's lap and went
back to her chair. "Let's pretend she is the babies you've lost. Tell her
all the things you wanted to say to them," she suggested. She could have
used a doll or pet but it was easier to talk to a living, breathing person,
even if that person was too young to understand or remember a word you
said. "I can leave you two alone, if you feel more comfortable that way."

Unfortunately, her idea backfired. All he could do was look at the baby in
his lap with the most terrified expression anyone could manage. He hadn't
held a baby since Werenn unless one counted the small body he'd put into a
bag and buried under the tree, but he tried not to think about it. "Can you
please take it out of here?"

"She's just a baby, she can't harm you," Olwinna said with amusement but
she did get up and took the basket. She placed it on her desk. The baby
waved her fists and yawn.

"I'm not afraid of it. I know it can't hurt me. But I keep seeing my dead
child all over again." And that made him angry-at whoever had tripped Bahji
and caused his life to fall apart. If he ever found out who that person
was-whether or not it had been that rude candidate-he would definitely
teach them not to hurt others ever again.

"You need to replace that image. Getting to know a real, live and healthy
baby will help in that," Olwinna said.

"I think it would be easier to try with one that I know or have a
connection to instead of just a random baby." Not that he really even had a
desire to do that, but at least it would make more sense for him. The
problem was the ones he knew were at Garnet Valley. Not even his sister at
River Bluff had any young children.

"She's not just some random baby, she's an orphan, poor little thing. She
could use someone in her life besides foster mother. Someone who cares what
she's doing and checks after her," Olwinna said and tickled the baby's toes.

Many babies only had their fosterparents when their parents died in
threadfall. That was why the Weyrs used the fostering system more than the
Holds did. E'rae recognized what the woman was trying to do, but he didn't
buy it. "I'm sure her fostermother will do just fine."

"Being stubborn, aren't you?" Olwinna said. She wasn't given up on him yet.
She was stubborn too. She just needed to figure out new approach with him.
Sometimes it just took time, patience and luck to find the right leverage.

Last updated on the July 29th 2015

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The stubborn case