Don't Mind Me

Writers: Dana, Eimi
Date Posted: 2nd September 2005

Characters: Renner, Desirae
Description: Renner and Des have a long boatride home...
Location: Elsewhere on Pern
Date: month 7, day 15 of Turn 3
Notes: Follows "Flipping"

The silence as Renner sailed their little boat towards home was deafening.
He felt rather guilty for the way he had snapped at the poor girl. The man wished there was a way to take back rash words, but knew it was too late now. There was only one thing to be done. "Des," he said gently, breaking the silence at last, "I am really sorry for what I said."

The young woman glanced at him before turning her gaze back to the water, watching Kiyli as her dorsal-fin broke the surface of the water every now and again. Finally, she said began quietly, "It's hard, Renner."

"I know, I know. And I'm sorry," he said as he gazed out to sea.

She shook her head. "It's... It's hard to talk to you, sometimes." What was even possessing her to _say_ such things? But the words were flowing out before she could stop them. "Because I never know if everything I say will be taken the wrong way." Her voice was so soft, even _she_ could barely hear herself speak.

Renner looked at her questioning. "What do you mean by that?" He had snapped at her _once_! What could he have said or done to make him so hard to talk to?

She glanced at him again. "I've just noticed...that whenever we talk about something, the conversation turns..." What was the right word? "Distant. Forced, even. Sometimes." She gave him a wry half-smile. "It's partly my fault. I know that I ask too many questions..." Embarrassed by how frank she was being with him, she looked away to the water again.

"I have always answered any question you asked me," Renner replied defensively. He still could not understand what she meant about taking things the wrong way.

"I know you have. But those questions...sometimes I don't mean how they come out. Like today, for instance," she added, flushing.

Renner frowned. He still wasn't getting it. "Well, then, that's not my fault then. Maybe I'm not taking them the wrong way, maybe you are saying them the wrong way."

"Sometimes..." She shook her head. How could she explain it? Was he even aware of the strained silences that tended to stretch after they'd been talking? Especially after she'd ask a question which, incidentally, led him to remember certain parts about his past...? Those silences made the young woman wonder uneasily... She shifted, folding her arms over her chest. "Nevermind, Renner. Maybe I'm just sensing something that isn't there..."

"Des, this is going to be a long boatride if you can't even talk to me without 'sensing' things. Now what is it?"

She felt the perfect _fool_. She might as well just spell it out for him, now that she's started this whole mess. Flushing, she said, "Whenever we talk, I always say something that reminds you of something you'd rather not be thinking about." She couldn't look at him and she bit her lower lip, glancing away to Kiyli.

"Shards, Des, I don't need _you_ to remind me of things I'd rather not be thinking about. All I have to do is look at water, or feel a breeze, or close my eyes and I'm reminded just as much as when you talk to me. What should I do, live the rest of my life not talking to people?"

"No! I didn't say that. It's just... Oh, I don't _know_." She shook her head again. Then she looked at him, her expression quietly contrite. "I'm sorry, Renner."

"Don't mind me, Des," he said as he starred off at the horizon. "I'm just the man who can't stop thinking."

Des gazed at him, then looked away. Not knowing how to respond to that, she let the silence stretch.

Last updated on the September 3rd 2005

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Don't Mind Me