Despair (PG-17)

Writers: Avery, Leigh M-F.
Date Posted: 20th July 2016

Characters: Corran, Nohria
Description: Nohria's doubts are beginning to run even deeper.
Location: Amber Hills Hold
Date: month 6, day 28 of Turn 8
Notes: Mentioned: Goulan, K'ran.
Notes: Written for the Summer Posting Challenge, "Nightmares", and rated PG-17 for the naughty and twisted dream logic. Proceed with caution.
Rating: PG-17

Victory was sweet indeed. Amber Hills had fallen _hard_. Due to her part in it, she had been allowed a reward. It had been surprising when she had some of the male bandits bring this person to her, but no one had questioned her. Not when she could poison them in their sleep.

Her captive had been taken to her tent with a bag over his head, and tied to a chair. Nohria paced back and forth in front of him now that they had complete privacy, partly to wind him up, and partly to make sure she looked all right. Hair loose, snug blue pants, heeled brown boots that reached over her knees, a blue tunic that was easy to remove. She was ready.

Nohria stepped in front of her captive and yanked the bag off his head, tossing it over her shoulder. "Welcome to my humble home, Corran," she purred, putting her hands on her cocked hips, and gave him a confident, sexy smirk. "Do you like it? Well, it's probably a little too feminine for your taste, but you could add some personal touches, make yourself feel more welcome, since you won't be leaving. _Ever_."

The guard had been beaten by thugs, tied up, and then had his head covered with a bag. It had been a long journey to wherever he was now. He'd lost track of time and drifted in and out of consciousness. The wagon had bounced and shuddered and he'd preferred unconsciousness to the nausea. When he came to the most recent time, the bag was still on his head, and he was sitting up and on stable ground. It was good enough for him.

There was muttered conversation from male voices and a rustle of cloth. Then, after a short period, the sound of steps reached him. Ten steps, pause, ten more steps. Then another sound of cloth and the bag was torn free. The unexpected light hit his eyes and hurt. He immediately closed them to ward off the insult. After the light on his closed eyelids became bearable, he cracked them open. They felt sore and puffy and he suspected at least one black eye.

The figure standing in front of him was recognizable and horribly unfamiliar at the same time. Her pose was cocky and sure, not shy or downtrodden. And her presence here didn't make any sense. He realized his mouth was dry and he licked his lips. "Wh -wha?" he managed.

The bandit gave a low, throaty laugh. "Of course, you're confused," she cooed, touching Corran's face gently. "Well, let me make it clear." She sat down hard in his lap, her other hand fisting in the hair at the back of his head, black eyes piercing his jewel-green stare. "I've been a bandit for the past nine Turns, and with the 'evidence' I left at Amber Hills, you have no choice but to be one too. That means you're mine for the rest of your life."

She ran her free hand down his jaw and neck to the collar of his shirt, which she tore all the way through the hem, and pushed the edges of the ruined garment to the sides so she could openly admire him. "And I plan to make it a very, very pleasant experience for both of us." Nohria gifted Corran with a wicked grin, and bent her head to drown him in a searing kiss, pressing her chest against his to keep the guard exactly where she wanted him.

His eyes widened as she confessed to being a bandit. "You're the one who broke into the guard storeroom, aren't you? You're the one who - " he breathed. Her words were putting so many pieces together. Things he had missed because he overlooked them. Maybe ignorant mistakes. Or maybe denial.

Then she took his shirt and kissed him and his protests died midway, trapped between his lips and hers. Her mouth was warm and demanding, the kiss full of fire. In any other context he would have desired it.

"Yes," Nohria breathed between kisses. "I was part of all of it. Now everything is as it should be. We're both free." She drew away and reached around the back of the chair, untying Corran's arms and bringing them around to adjust the ropes. Some quick work and he had about a foot of rope between his wrists. Then Nohria pulled off her tunic, letting it drop and revealing she wasn't wearing a bust band. "You've wanted me. I've wanted you. We can finally indulge." She cupped her hands under her breasts, offering them to the guard. "We'll be true partners, true equals. Take what's yours and I'll have what's mine at last."

"What evidence did you plant? What makes you so sure they won't look for me?" he asked, still stunned by her betrayal.

She slid her tunic off. His eyes feasted on the sight of her bust and his body began to stir. She was half clad, straddling him, kissing him... He was only human and he groaned. And yet he made no move to reach for her, suspicious.

"That man you struck in the head while sparring. A little potion of mine and he died painlessly in his sleep. Goulan gave me a note to leave, saying you were too ashamed to stay after such carelessness." The wicked smile returned, and Nohria twisted her pelvis against Corran's groin. "He matched your penmanship exactly. Perhaps we'll have your brother to worry about, but that can come later." She got up and stripped off her boots and pants as well, leaving herself completely bare to him, and untied the laces of his trousers. "You'll take me hard, won't you? I like rough loveplay," she practically giggled. "Oh, Ancients, Corran, your body is simply perfect all over. I love it."

That sounded awful and like something others could believe of him. He didn't want anyone to think he could do that. He didn't want to be a bandit. "Nohria. How could you?" he asked.

Corran might have thought he loved her, but now he felt distress. This was wrong. He shouldn't be here with her, in a bandit camp. This was not the future he wanted to find. He moved his hands, testing the slack she'd given him - looked at her, naked and beautiful, having arched against him. His tongue felt dry in his mouth as he warred between the wants of his body and the need of his conscience, and he said and did nothing.

A rush of fury rose in Nohria, and she roughly grabbed Corran's chin, forcing him to look at her. "Are you saying you don't want me now that you know who I truly am?" she snarled. "Do you honestly prefer the illusion of the docile drudge you thought you could turn into a common holder wife?!"

"Yes," Corran hissed.

The world tilted and spun so hard she was thrown off her feet onto a mattress that hadn't been there before, and the walls of her tent were melting, bleeding away. Somehow Corran was on his feet, free of the ropes that now bound her arms behind her back from elbows to wrists. The guard stood at a dresser, putting on new clothes, and the tent had become a room, one meant for married holders. Nohria was wearing her brown drudge dress, and it was too tight, smothering her, and there was a horrible weight in her stomach-

No, in a different organ-

And the door opened and six children of differing ages came streaming in, calling "Mama! Mama!" and grabbing at her clothing, pulling her off the bed, voicing different demands. One was hungry, one felt sick, one had a bloody nose-

"Stop it! Leave me alone! I'm not your mother!" Nohria cried, desperately struggling against their little hands. "Corran, help me!"

The guard turned to look back at his wife, confusion written on his face. "Nohria? What's wrong, dear?"

"Don't leave!" she yelled in a panic, somehow getting to her feet despite the weight within her trying to pull her down. She wobbled dangerously, her center of balance badly upset. "At least untie me before you go to work!" she begged, feeling a rise of nausea that made her saliva taste bitter and acidic. "Please- I'm sorry- I didn't want to hurt anyone. Please, just let me go. I won't bother you again, just don't leave me with these kids! I don't want them- I can't care for them by myself-"

The children raised their voices in protest, their demands unceasing, and she dragged herself toward Corran, but somehow he was kept getting farther away. "Please, don't do this to me! I just want to be who I am!" Tears began to slip down her face, and she hated herself for all her weaknesses, but she kept pleading with him, trying to find something, anything she could say that would make the guard untie her and let her flee before it was too late. Yet the walls were getting narrower and narrower, and the door was getting closer to Corran with each step she took, and those damned children weren't releasing her!

He stepped back towards her, confusion turning to concern. "I know who you are. You're my wife. And these are our children. You need to take care of them so I can go to work. That's your job, and who you are, remember?"

Nohria's heart shattered. "No," she breathed, lips trembling, hands shaking. "No, please- Corran- no! I'm a woman's healer, a bandit! I'm free of stupid holder values that have no place in these times! I'm not some witless broodmare you can shove into a room and use whenever you want! You can't do this to me!"

He shook his head. "I think you're mistaken. You are mine. Completely. Do I have to stay here and teach you a lesson?" He took several steps closer, menace in his body language. Some of the children fell quiet as he approached.

Nohria finally twisted free of the kids and stepped in front of them, standing as tall as she could. "If you lay a hand on me, or on them, I'll kill you in your sleep," she said fiercely. Sure, she didn't necessarily like kids, certainly didn't want any of her own, but that didn't mean she would let them come to harm through inaction. "So you can either prove you're just like so many other stupid holdbred men, or you can let me go."

"We've been living like this for Turns, dear. I don't know what's gotten into you." The man shook his head sadly. "Maybe I should call the Healers, get you a calming draught."

"I'd rather die than live like this," Nohria growled, and darted around him to run for the door.

"That can be arranged," he snarled, throwing a punch.

The blow caught her in the middle of her back, and something snapped in her spine. Nohria's limbs lost all strength, refusing to move, and in her breathless shock, she fell into nothingness-

~*~

And woke up. It was all just a dream. Nohria felt relieved tears, and then came a wave of shame, despair, fear, rage, and she scrambled from bed, grabbing her bathing supplies and clothing, and rushed to the nearest bathing room. What a nightmare! She wasn't that kind of person! She wasn't someone would be reduced to begging, who would resort to poisoning an innocent just to get her way! She wouldn't use kidnapping and domination in order to have someone! And Corran- would he really force her to be a common wife trapped in their quarters, to be a broodmare sacrificing what independence she had just to get pregnant and give birth endlessly? She didn't want to believe that. She _couldn't_ believe that! But she was so scared it was true.

It was as if she was standing over a gulch with one foot on either side of the gap, and any minute now, an earthquake would force her to plummet to her death, or jump to one side. Right now, Nohria was terrified about which side she might choose.

She fell to her knees, buried her face in her hands, and surrendered to deep, wrenching, painful, bawling that shook her entire body; the kind she hadn't allowed herself since she had seen what had become of Amethyst Cliffs, and loathed herself for the weakness of every tear shed.

This simply wasn't fair.

Last updated on the July 25th 2016

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Despair (PG-17)