The Terrible Truth

Writers: Heather, Miriah
Date Posted: 1st September 2019
Series: The Hallmaster's New Wife

Characters: Thayde, Enamra
Description: Thayde tries to apologize to Enamra and it doesn't go where he expects.
Location: Dolphin Hall
Date: month 12, day 19 of Turn 9
Notes: Follows immediately "Mother Knows Best (2/2)"

Thayde

Enamra

"Well, you made it." Thayde said as he and Enamra walked back to their
quarters. His ears faintly picked up the sound of Uuketh's parting
trumpet before the brown went /between/ carrying H'riv back North.

The day had exhausted her. His family, while perfectly pleasant, had
been so active and exuberant with each other that she'd been
overwhelmed, both by their friendliness and their questions. She was
certain that she hadn't made a good impression on them, as some of the
answers she stumbled over and had to be rescued by the Thayde's
sister, who thankfully was able to clear conversation away from more
personal matters. "Your family is very nice. Thank you for taking me
to meet them."

When they entered into their quarters, she stepped away from him. "I
need to go change. I don't want to soil this dress."

Thayde grabbed her hand to keep her from leaving. "Can we talk before
you do that?"

The sudden grab made Enamra jump a little, but she stopped
immediately. Uncertain as to what he wanted or if he was displeased
with her behavior, she slowly nodded. "As you like, of course." She
turned back towards him and waited.

"Let's sit," Thayde said, leading her to the couch. He had been
rehearsing in his mind this conversation on the ride back to Dolphin
Cove. "I have something I need to apologize about."

The moment he spoke, Enamra felt ill. Her stomach roiled as she
stiffly sat, folding her hands in her lap. She stared at them, rubbing
her thumbs against each other. He was going to tell her about the
woman he'd been with and she didn't know if she could bear hearing
about her. She spoke softly, words halting. "You don't have to
apologize for anything, Thayde. You married me to help me and you've
given me a comfortable life and helped me to learn to read when you
didn't have to. I shouldn't expect more from you than that. I should
have remembered my place."

The dolphineer's brow furrowed. Remembered her place? "What? That is
silly, Enamra. I made certain promises to you when we married and I
haven't been completely upholding my end of the vows." Thayde felt
momentarily thrown by her words and had to struggle to find his place
again in the rehearsed speech. "I have been holding myself back from
really consummating our marriage not because I don't find you
desirable," he figured this line of talk would probably make her
blush, but he didn't see a way around that, "but because I didn't want
you to feel forced into anything." His eyes flicked up to hers. "You
have quit wearing the lingerie to bed and I think that is my fault. I
didn't realize what you were trying to tell me." And now he really
hoped that his mother's conjecture on the lingerie wearing was
correct, because if not, this entire thing was sounding crazy.

And she did turn red, not completely from embarrassment, but also from
the remembered humiliation she'd felt when she'd seen him so wrapped
around the other woman, the movements, the soft moans. She turned her
face away, blinking back tears that stung in her eyes. If he had found
her desirable, he wouldn't have jerked away from her like she was
diseased. Why was he telling her that he did? "I just wanted to be a
good wife to you. That... it was okay. That..." Her lower lip trembled
as she stared at the opposite wall. "That I was willing. It was stupid
and I understand now why you didn't want me. I won't do it again."

"Whoa," he said, moving a bit so that she was forced to look at him.
"What you did was not stupid, _I_ am the one with rocks for brains.
Please don't think that I did not want you, I did. I could barely
sleep at all with you dressed like that." He hesitated, afraid of
saying too much, but also remembering that his reticence was what had
landed them in this position to begin with. "I hope that you will
consider trying again. I promise I won't be so dense next time."

"No you didn't." She closed her eyes. "You touched me and jerked away
every time." She hadn't meant to admit that she'd been awake, but the
words spilled out of her mouth before she could stop them. Her brow
furrowed as she struggled to process what he was saying against what
she was meaning. He was apologizing for not touching her and not for
the woman. He didn't know that she had seen him. Faranth, she was
confused. So very confused. He wanted her to wear the lingerie now?
Well, she couldn't. She'd cut all of it up.

Thayde rubbed at the side of his nose. Well, if this wasn't
embarrassing. "I jerked away because I was afraid that I would not be
able to stop myself, and at the time, I did not know if that was what
you really wanted."

Now she felt as though she was floundering in a sea of utter
confusion. He wanted her but didn't want her? "Then why did you..."
Her voice trailed off and and stared at her hands, shaking her head.
"So...you do want me. As a wife."

He refrained from saying 'of course' because he had clearly done a
piss-poor job of showing his wife that he did desire her and that he
did want a physical relationship with her. "Yes, I..." he trailed off
because what he was about to say surprised him, but it was true, "I
want you more than I have ever wanted anyone else."

Suddenly, surprisingly, she felt angry, sure that he was lying and
privately mocking her. She rose, tears beginning to spill down her
cheeks as her hands wound in her skirts. "I may not be smart, but I'm
not completely stupid." Her voice broke as her fingers twisted in the
material of the dress. "And I don't like people making fun of me and
treating me like I am." She finally looked at him, really looked at
him and there was clear pain in her eyes. "I saw you...on the beach."
Her face crumpled and there was no stopping the tears. "You wanted
that woman more than me, so don't lie to me. I've never, ever lied to
you." Her hand went to her mouth to try to stifle the hiccuping sobs
that had begun to emerge, then spun, hurrying towards the bedroom and
quickly closing the door behind her.

Thayde felt stunned as he sat in silence, the sound of the door
closing reverberating in his ears, even though she had not slammed the
portal. She knew. She had seen. His eyes slid shut as pain sliced
through him. The last thing he had ever wanted was to hurt her and yet
he had hurtled headlong toward it like a blinded fool. How was he ever
supposed to apologize for what Enamra had seen on that beach? Words
like "I'm sorry" felt feeble in the light of his transgression.

He went to the door and leaned against it, not daring to open it, the
least he could do was give her privacy if that was what she wanted.
"Enamra," he said, speaking up to be heard. "I did not want her more
than you, I swear. I did not want her at all." He was sure that
sounded ludicrous but it was the truth. "I wanted you so badly that
night that I went out to swim, alone. I did not know that she was
going to be there. It wasn't planned."

Enamra curled up in the corner of the bedroom, bringing her knees to
her head and wrapped her arms around her legs in a tight ball. All she
could do was sob into her knees, gut-wrenching cries that seemed to
shake her chest and belly until they ached and her throat felt raw.
She didn't answer Thayde, but curled up even tighter, eyes tightly
closed as she struggled to bring her hiccuping breaths under control.

Thayde could hear the sound of her crying even through the door, yet
he felt paralyzed with indecision. His gut said to go in there and
comfort her, but his mother had said that he had to quit making
decisions for Enamra and allow her to make her own. Was that
applicable to this? He thumped his forehead against the door with a
sigh. This was why he had never married or even gotten close to it, he
decided. He did not know the first thing about how to make a woman
happy.... Other than to not sleep around behind her back but he had
already screwed that up, too.

When he could not stomach the sound of her crying any longer, Thayde
finally pushed open the door and stepped into their bedroom. He had
expected her to be on the bed, but instead he found her in the corner
of the room, wrapped in an impossible tight ball around herself.
"Enamra," he said as he crouched down in front of her, one hand
reaching out to stroke her hair.

She tightened her arms around her legs, squishing herself together
even tighter. When he touched her hair, she looked up at him, hurt in
eyes that were swollen by tears. "Leave me alone, Master Thayde." She
buried her face in her knees once again, turning her face away from
him.

The formality was like a slap in the face, one that he certainly
deserved. "I really am sorry, Enamra. I never meant for it to happen
and it never will again." Thayde knew there was nothing else he could
say and she wanted to be alone. He needed a drink anyway, he thought
as he backed out of their room and shut the door quietly. Even though
it was a long walk, Thayde left the Hall and followed the path toward
the Weyr, wanting a drink someplace where no one knew him and where no
questions would be asked.

Last updated on the September 3rd 2019

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The Terrible Truth