We'll Try Again

Writers: Heather, Miriah
Date Posted: 24th October 2020
Series: The Hallmaster's Ladies

Characters: Enamra, Thayde
Description: Thayde and Enamra talk about the visit with Jalodwyn and their own loss
Location: Dolphin Hall
Date: month 6, day 16 of Turn 10

Enamra

Thayde

Enamra slowly rose from her bed, for the first time in four days
feeling like she'd be able to manage the day without exhaustion. Her
cramping and aches had eased, thankfully. She'd been visited by her
siblings, and had soothed Embly's guilt, but still felt her own about
being so reckless. With a sigh, she noticed that Thayde was not in the
room, but hearing movement in the kitchen area, padded out to join
him. "Good morning."

Thayde, who had eggs and breakfast meat frying, turned and pointed at
Enamra. "Couch. Now. You're supposed to be taking it easy." He
softened the words with the hint of a smile and a wink.

"I'm really feeling better, Thayde." Enamra protested gently, but
headed to the couch. "I've been taking it easy. I can't lay around all
day." The smell of food made her stomach grumble. "I was going to cook
breakfast for us. Thanks for doing that."

Splitting the eggs and meat between two plates, Thayde brought them
over to the couch and joined Enamra. "There's nothing wrong with
taking it easy for another day."

She took a plate and smiled. "That's what you said yesterday, Thayde."
But she didn't argue with him. She took a mouthful and wiggled a bit
in pleasure. The food was good and it began to ease her hunger. Though
she normally ate sparingly, there was no denying her hunger this
morning, a clear sign that she was in fact feeling better. She didn't
talk while she ate, content to finish her plate except for a small
piece of meat when she was full.

That's probably what he would say about every day, if it kept Enamra
safe. "We could go for a walk down on the beach," he offered as he
cleaned his plate, took Enamra's, and then carried them both to the
sink.

She rose from the couch to follow him and began filling the sink with
water. "I'd like that." She added soap to the water. "But aren't you
neglecting your duties? You've been gone for a few days. I'd hate to
think you're getting behind because of me. "

"It's all taken care of," Thayde assured his wife as he stood elbow to
elbow with her, helping rinsing the dishes as she washed, and then
setting them aside to dry. "Ada will be happy to see you," he told
her.

Enamra paused, then nodded. "I'd love to see her. I need to thank
her for what she did. " The dishes were done quickly and she wiped her
hands to dry them. "Just let me get dressed and my hair brushed."

-

They were fortunate not to pass very many people on their walk down to
the beach, but the ones they did all made tittering sounds of sympathy
towards Enamra that made Thayde's teeth clench. The rational side of
him knew that they were just trying to be kind but he had hoped to
take Enamra's mind off of things today.

Thayde laced their fingers together as they left their shoes by the
beach access and walked barefoot out onto the sand.

Enamra attempted smiles with each offer of sympathy but was just as
eager to try to avoid any further mention of their shared loss. Her
fingers tightened around Thayde's as they walked and she was relieved
as they drew away from concerned people.

Her toes curled in the sand as they walked. "Thayde, I know you might
not want to talk about it right now, but..." She took a breath, "you
haven't mentioned how your visit with Jalodwyn went. It's not going
to bother me. "

Thayde gave her hand a squeeze. "I didn't want to bring it up until
you had rested some," he admitted.

She nodded. "I figured. So, do you think it's your baby? It's a girl
right? Did you get to see her?"

"I think it is," Thayde said. "It is a girl. She named her Jalotha."

Enamra fell silent, walking for a time before as she thought about
what that could mean for them. "So what happens now?"

"I offered to send Jalodwyn and the baby support, but she doesn't want
anything to do with me. Understandably," he shrugged a little, moving
his head a bit to move the hair that the ocean breeze had blown across
his eyes. "So nothing happens now."

She looked up at him and then nodded, uncertain how to respond to
Jalodwyn's response. Did Thayde feel badly about it? Or was he
relieved? She wasn't certain. She didn't know how to feel now,
especially since he thought the baby was his. But she'd also had a
child and given it away. How was that different? She knew he wanted
children; she hadn't wanted the one she had given away. She'd been
scared of carrying another, but had grieved over the loss of their
baby. They both had and still were. "Maybe..." She cleared her throat.
"Do...do you want to try again? With me?"

Thayde glanced sideways at her, a little surprised by the question, so
soon, considering she had been afraid to have a baby again after her
first. "Of course I want to have a baby with you, but whenever you are
ready. No pressure. No rush."

Her fingers tightened over his. "I know you want children, Thayde.
You've given me so much and I can give them to you. We can try
again...when the Healers say it's okay. I'm not as afraid now and
you'd be a wonderful father." Her lips lifted a little. "Besides, I
think we both like the trying part." She stopped, holding him back
from the walk. "When the Healers say it's okay...I can stop the teas."
She looked up at him and took his other hand in hers as well. "I want
to have your babies."

He smiled, cupping her face between his hands, a face that had been
practically stranger less than a Turn ago. "I do like the trying
part," Thayde's eyes warmed as he fondly brushed his thumbs across her
cheeks.

She leaned against his hands, then stepped forward, moving to snuggle
her head on his shoulders as she wrapped her arms around his waist.
"So do I." She took a deep breath and then looked up at him, brow
furrowed. "But Thayde, I think you should try harder for your Jalotha.
If she's your daughter, she might need you someday. And even if
Jalodwyn is mad at you or doesn't like you, that's not the baby's
fault. She's just a baby. Don't give up on her."

Thayde shook his head. "Jalodwyn doesn't work that way. I was barely
able to convince her to even speak to me. She's assured me that
Jalotha would never know I was her father. My daughter has a
responsible mother, and H'riv for an uncle, and H'riv has a much
better way at worming himself into peoples' lives than I do. There's
nothing else I can do at this point. When or if Jalodwyn decides she
needs my help, I'll help."

Enamra frowned. "I don't like it. It doesn't feel right to me, Thayde.
It doesn't seem fair to you or the baby." She sighed, then considered
him. "Do...do you want to be her father? Now that you know?"

"I would like to be her father," he reasoned, "but I also understand
that I gave up rights to that when Jalodwyn was pregnant and I refused
to take her word for it. I basically shunned her and then exiled her
by sending her to Jade Harbor. At this point, Jalotha's well being is
completely up to Jalodwyn and I'll respect her wishes on it."

"I can't say that I'm sorry you sent her away, honestly. She was
pretty awful to me and I don't like her. But...maybe you both acted
badly. Maybe because you both were friends or didn't talk or just
assumed stuff about each other that was wrong. I don't know. I really
didn't have close friends before I came here so I don't know what it's
like. " She sighed. "Do you think she'll ever change her mind?" She
wanted to be prepared, at least a little, if Jalodwyn decided
differently.

"Honestly? I have no idea. H'riv said he would visit her often and
check in on her and Jalotha, so I think as long as she's receiving
support that way she won't change her mind." Even though Jalodwyn had
been someone that Thayde had known as well as his own family at one
point, now, with the things that had passed between them, he honestly
could not predict her next move.

She rested her head back on Thayde's shoulder. "I guess we'll deal
with it if it comes up." She quietly wished the entire issue would
just go away, or that it hadn't happened at all. Then a painful
thought hit her and she couldn't help but feel the stinging in her
eyes. Her voice broke as she spoke it."It doesn't seem fair that she
had your baby and I'm your wife and I couldn't... we lost ours. You
wanted ours." She closed her eyes tightly. "It's not fair."

"Hey, it's okay," he said, rubbing his hand in soothing circles over
her back. "These things happen." Perhaps losing his own child was some
sort of payback for not acknowledging Jalodwyn's child, he thought.

What if it happened again? What if she couldn't or didn't have another
baby? "I hate this." Suddenly she lifted her head. "I want to start
trying again right away. As soon as possible."

"We will," he promised, finger beneath her chin as he ducked his head
and kissed her softly.

Last updated on the October 27th 2020

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