Fleeting, Beautiful Things

Writers: Devin, Yvonne
Date Posted: 28th February 2024

Characters: H'run, K'mai
Description: K'mai checks on H'run after Calcifeth's 'Scoring
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 9, day 11 of Turn 11
Notes: Mentions: W'ser, K'reyel

H'run

K'mai

Calcifeth fell asleep soon after W'ser left, exhausted from pain and fighting 'Thread. His rider stayed with him a candlemark further before the promised cot became uncomfortable and the itch of crackdust became too much to bear. H'run rose and made his way to his weyr, fully intending to bathe and return to his dragon.

Instead, he stripped off his flight leathers, wrapped himself in a warm robe, and sat on his bed with a bottle of white wine he'd snagged from the Dining Cavern on the way up. It was barely chilled and tasted awful, but anything was better than the way he felt. That had been too close a call. Calcifeth could have never flown again. Calcifeth could have _died_.

K'mai hesitated in the hall, not knowing how he'd be received but . . . H'run was a wingmate and K'mai still considered him a friend. Even if things were awkward between them, K'mai wanted to check up on him. So he took a breath and knocked.

There was no response. Behind the door, H'run frowned at his mostly-empty wine and debated hiding under the bed versus yelling until whoever it was went away. Both seemed like too much effort.

K'mai knocked again. "H'run?"

"Go away," the harper mumbled. He curled up on his bed with his back to the door.

K'mai couldn't make out the words but H'run was definitely in there. He pushed open the door. "I just wanted to check on you." Considering that H'run was nothing more than a lump curled on the bed, he probably wasn't doing well.

H'run pushed himself upright and turned his tear-stained face towards his guest. "K'mai?"

The other rider stepped in and closed the door. "I'm sorry about Calcifeth, but it sounds like he's going to be okay?" The last word came out uncertainly and turned it into a question.

"W'ser says that he will, but..." H'run sniffled, his eyes going shiny with unshed tears again. "It was so close."

K'mai went over and sat next to him on the bed, putting an arm around H'run. "I've been there. It's no fun." His back itched across his Thread scars.

"We could have _died_." The bluerider swigged at the bottle of wine. "I _hate_ this never ending Pass. I just want it to be over!"

"Me too." A bit of gloominess passed over K'mai. This Pass was never supposed to happen, and now it controlled their lives.

"Calcifeth might never have flown again, or might not have been able to go /between/, or I could have been hit by Thread too-- it came _so_ close. I don't want to die!"

"You didn't die, though. You're still here, and Calcifeth is still here." K'mai pressed him closer in a half-hug.

He smelled so good. It hurt having K'mai was so close, knowing that he didn't want him. H'run buried his face in the other bluerider's shoulder and tried to pretend that it didn't make things worse. "But for how long?"

"Nobody knows that." K'mai rubbed his back. "We just keep going, and hope for the best." K'mai lost so many friends, and he just kept making more. Unless Pern itself ended, he'd never lose _all_ of them.

"I'm done. I quit. We're not going to fly anymore."

K'mai wished it was that easy. "That's not really up to us to decide."

H'run shook his head. "It's been ten Turns. No, eleven! It's someone else's turn to worry about death every day. I can't do it anymore. I _can't_."

K'mai's heart squeezed, wishing there was something he could do, something he could say, to help. If both rider and dragon were able, they had to fight. "I don't think the Weyrleader is going to accept that. Unless you want to train Weyrlings?"

"Shells, no. I hate teaching." H'run took another swig of the wine and shuddered. The bottle was nearly empty. He set it down at his feet and put his head in his hands. He and Calcifeth were going to get 'Scored again, and again, and again, and then they'd die and be forgotten. The future was just pain and loneliness until they got eaten by Thread. K'mai was right. There was no hope. After a moment he sighed, wishing that he could ask K'mai to stay and knowing that he wouldn't. "You should go."

"I think someone should stay with you." K'mai rubbed his back again. He definitely didn't want to leave him alone when H'run was so clearly miserable. "If you don't want me, then another friend."

"Of course I want you," H'run said bitterly. "But if you stay now, I'll end up begging you to stay later and we both know how that will end."

K'mai sighed. "There's only _one_ thing I can't give you, H'run. I would be happy to give you anything else, whether it be to sit here and hold you or do something to distract you. But I want to make you feel better, not worse. If me being here is going to hurt you, I'll go . . . but not until someone else is here to stay with you."

Watching K'mai go would hurt, having him stay would hurt. Calcifeth was hurt. Everything felt too raw, and if H'run couldn't drink himself into oblivion then he'd take what he could. He leaned into K'mai and said quietly, "Don't go."

K'mai kept stroking his back, hoping the touch was comforting. "All right. I'll stay as long as you want."

H'run leaned into him and let himself sink into K'mai's touch. He'd have to go, eventually. K'mai didn't love him and would leave eventually. Calcifeth would need him nearby when the dragon woke. But for now he needed to be selfish. It wouldn't last, this moment between them... but by the Egg, it would be so beautiful while it lasted.

Last updated on the March 5th 2024

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Fleeting, Beautiful Things