The Deep, Dark, Easy Way Out

Writers: Devin, Aaron
Date Posted: 21st April 2024

Characters: R'lor, Ç'pier
Description: Ç'pier's class is ready for their first trips between.
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 4, day 12 of Turn 11
Notes: Mentioned: Saedyna

R'lor

Ç'pier

Content Warning: suicidal ideation

Even today, with the weyrlings excited for their first jumps
/between/, there was a little extra space around C'pier and Yuliuth.
His clutchmates had seemed wary, even afraid of him, since he
confessed to attacking poor Saedyna. When they worked in pairs or
groups, he was always the last picked, and R'lor had to assign him to
one of them. He couldn't really blame the other weyrlings. R'lor was
still furious over what C'pier had done and he felt badly for Yuliuth.
Still, it was his job to train the young man.

The Weyrlingmaster Third wasn't surprised that C'pier didn't volunteer
to be one of the first to go /between/. He got through most of the
class before finally calling on the brownrider. The first image
Yuliuth provided to Kularth was clear, so he gave the command for the
pair to take off and waited for them to send the image again.

}:You are not picturing anything at all,:{ said Yuliuth. Ç'pier sat
strapped onto the brown's back. Anyone who saw him could likely tell
that he had not been eating much for months. He looked gaunt, hollow,
like he had been running from sleep as though it were full of
nightmares.

**You're right, I'm not.**

}:But if you don't, we will never return from between.:{

**That's the idea, buddy.**

}:I don't understand. Why would you want that?:{

**Why wouldn't I? What reason do I have to keep doing this?**

}:You... You have me. You have us.:{

**And I'll have you and us until we fade away into the dark.**

}:I won't allow you to give up.:{

**Why not?**

}:Because I'm going to save you.:{

**You can't.**

}:How do you know?:{

**Because if I could be saved, I would know when this was all going to
end. There would be a light at the end of the tunnel. But there isn't.
They aren't keeping me alive. They're keeping you alive. I'm just a
dead weight on your back they can't get rid of. Now I finally have a
way to get away from it all. It won't hurt. We'll just go to sleep
together and fade away.**

}:We aren't going anywhere.:{

**Are you going to snitch on me?**

}:I will wait for Kularth to ask me why we have not participated in
the lesson if you would prefer. But I will answer when he does�" I
must.:{

**Just go. It could already have been over by now.**

}:I won't.:{

It had been a long time so Kularth prompted, }:Please give me your
image, Yuliuth.:{

}:I have no image,:{ the little brown answered. }:Ç'pier will not give
me any other destination but the dark of _between_. And so I will not
go.:{

Kularth rumbled in distress as he relayed the information to R'lor. A
moment later he told Yuliuth, }:Mine says to bring yours down _now_.:{

Ç'pier sighed as Yuliuth returned him to the ground. He supposed he
should never have counted on his saint of a dragon letting him go
through with this. He believed in Ç'pier so much, it made him wish he
could believe, too. It certainly made him wish that he could ever hope
to become what Yuliuth thought he could be. But he could not.

"Sir," he acknowledged R'lor.

"Explain yourself," the Weyrlingmaster Third said in a tight voice.

"I'm going between, sir," he answered. Was it not obvious? He would
have been surprised that R'lor sounded so upset about it, but then
Ç'pier realized it was probably because he viewed this as him killing
Yuliuth more than himself. "Well. Not if Yuliuth has anything to say
about it. But that was my plan."

"_Why_?" R'lor could guess, but he wanted to hear it.

Ç'pier peered at R'lor for a moment with eyes slightly narrowed, not
sure whether he really did not know why.

"Why stay?" he asked. "It's what you wanted anyway, isn't it? You just
didn't have the wherewithal to do it if it meant losing Yuliuth. Look,
someday, maybe even someday pretty soon, we'll fly up to fight Thread,
you people will pull away from me at just the right time, Thread will
get me just like you wanted, and you won't even have to feel bad about
it. On the off chance, we're good enough to live for a while, I still
owe a debt I can't ever repay. There's never any end to it, never any
freedom ever again. I'm already dead. So why wait for it to happen the
most painful way possible when I can just fade away into the dark with
the one person in the world who loves me?"

R'lor shook his head. "Is that what they're telling you out at the
Holds? That we abandon our own in Threadfall?" He almost felt bad for
C'pier, but all he had to do was remember poor Saedyna lying
unconscious and battered in the infirmary. "I'm furious with you, but
I don't want you dead. You tried to kill someone and you need to
_live_ with that, C'pier."

"I don't believe much they ever told me out at the Holds," said
Ç'pier. "Not after they tossed me out, anyway. Thing is, I also don't
believe for one minute that anyone here counts me as one of your own.
I understand that I don't have any right to expect them to, but that
doesn't change anything."

"Thing is, the only reason you want me alive is so I can suffer. And
as much as I might deserve to, if I can just skip that part, why
wouldn't I?"

R'lor didn't have the capacity to handle someone who was _whining_
about facing consequences for attempted murder. "You're going to see a
mindhealer. Now."

Ç'pier actually laughed. But he shrugged. He had no reason to fight
anyone on anything. Yuliuth was not going to let him go, too intent on
saving him, whatever that could possibly mean.

"Yes, sir."

}:Do not let yours take you /between/ forever,:{ Kularth told Yuliuth.
}:And do not let him hurt himself.:{

}:He will not hurt himself,:{ said Yuliuth. }:He does not wish to
cause me the sorrow of losing him. And I will not take him between.:{

"Now." R'lor pointed in the general direction of the main entrance.
Some of the other weyrlings were whispering to each other. A few young
dragons shifted impatiently.

Ç'pier dismounted, saluted, and headed to the Infirmary.

The Weyrlingmaster Third turned back toward the rest of the class and
clapped his hands. "Five minute water break! Then I need you all to
_focus_. You're going to become Senior Weyrlings today!"

That was enough to shake some of them out of their gawking and there
were a few little cheers. Though there was definitely one weyrling who
wasn't going to graduate to Senior now.

Last updated on the April 26th 2024

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The Deep, Dark, Easy Way Out