Anywhere But Here
Dragonsfall Weyr
Amber Hills Hold
Vintner Hall
Healer Hall
Hidden Meadows
Dolphin Cove Weyr
Dolphin Hall
Emerald Falls Hold
Harper Hall
Printer Hall
Green Valley Hold
Leeward Lagoon Hold
Barrier Lake Weyr
Sunstone Seahold
Citrus Bay Hold
Writers: Yvonne
Date Posted: 12th February 2025
Characters: H'run
Description: H'run deals with the fallout from his argument with K'mai in the flight cots.
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 5, day 10 of Turn 12
Notes: Mentioned: K'mai, I'serin
Happens directly after 'DFW: Liar'
The flight cot was so empty after K'mai left that it echoed the sound of H'run's traitorous, shattered heart. He pressed his forehead against his knees and let his tears soak into the blanket. He'd been so blind. He was such a fool.
Of course K'mai didn't love him. K'mai had been honest about that much, at least. It reaffirmed yet again that H'run was completely unlovable-- too much, too loud, too hateful and hideous on the inside. It was his own fault for thinking that K'mai might change his mind, see something worthwhile in him and reciprocate the way he felt.
Only when H'run had told K'mai that he'd loved him, K'mai had replied that he _couldn't_ fall in love. That was painfully, obviously untrue. K'mai's heart belonged to I'serin. A _bronzerider_. A man who couldn't love him back.
If that wasn't irony, what was?
A bitter laugh escaped him as H'run finally moved his leaden limbs and started to dress. K'mai was so _obvious_ in retrospect. He'd mooned around the Weyrleader's ledge like a feline in heat. The way he'd snapped at H'run, was never around and never explained it, and the way his gaze followed after I'serin at his birthingday party like a magnet drawn to north. And now today...
Inevitably K'mai would get hurt and there was nothing H'run could do to protect K'mai from it. H'run threw his boot across the room in a fit of pique. **Good,** H'run thought. **Let him suffer.**
He dried his tears with the heel of his hand and stood, pulling his Harper's training around himself like a shroud. Chin up, eyes forward, enigmatic smile. The walk back to his weyr was torturous. Every time someone looked at him he wanted to shout K'mai's secret aloud. It would be so satisfying to hurt him that way. He _wanted_ to make K'mai hurt.
}:Beloved?:{ Calcifeth's mindvoice sliced through his dark thoughts like a knife through butter. }:I am worried about you.:{
The kindness in Calcifeth's voice made H'run stumble. When he got to his weyr he slammed the door behind him and sank to his knees on the carpet. **I can't do this.**
}:Yes, you can. I love you,:{ Calcifeth said softly. }:Come outside so that we can be together.:{
H'run looked around his messy weyr with despair. What use were fine clothes and perfumes when the man you loved looked past you like you weren't even there? What use was being here at _all_?
}:Beloved.:{
Tonight he'd be alone. Tomorrow he'd have to go to drills and watch as K'mai refused to look at him. K'mai would never speak to him again. Or maybe K'mai would try to apologize and H'run would give in to the writhing, hateful thing in his chest and he'd laugh and be cruel. All it would take were a few words to slice K'mai into pieces and make him the laughingstock of the Weyr. He could tear I'serin down too, knock him off his Weyrleader's plinth with a few well-placed whispers. It would be easy. It would feel so good.
The memory of the last time K'mai had been in his weyr to apologize flashed behind his eyes, sharp as broken glass. K'mai, gilded in sunlight beside the weyrlake. The way he tilted his head back when he laughed, the brightness in his voice at his birthingday, the ghost of K'mai's fingers against his skin--
With a sickening lurch, H'run realized that he was still in love with the man. **I can't do this,** H'run pressed his eyes closed. **I can't...**
The days stretched before him, interminable and infinite. K'mai would moon after the Weyrleader while H'run said nothing. He'd watch as K'mai broke himself against I'serin's indifference. He was a footnote in someone else's story, a foolish man with a foolish heart, and then he'd burn in Thread and be forgotten. He was no one. He was trapped.
}:Beloved, we can go anywhere,:{ Calcifeth crooned. }:I love you. I love you.:{
There was nothing for him here.
H'run climbed to his feet and threw a few items at random into a bag. He grabbed his gitar and flight jacket, then staggered out to Calcifeth's ledge where the blue dragon crouched, his eyes glittering with concern. Calcifeth said nothing as H'run put his straps on with shaking hands.
**Let's go,** H'run said.
}:Where to?:{ Calcifeth stretched his wings wide and leapt from their ledge.
H'run closed his eyes. He thought of K'mai and I'serin and felt sick. Visualizing anything but the two other men grabbing hungrily for each other in the flight room, K'mai calling I'serin's name while he looked right through H'run, K'mai lovesick and broken-- it was impossible. **Anywhere but here.**
Together they passed the Star Stones and went /between/.
Last updated on the February 18th 2025