You're Not the Only One

Writers: Devin, Halyonix
Date Posted: 12th February 2025
Series: Bronze and Blue Entwined

Characters: K'mai, I'serin
Description: K'mai has important information to share . . . except I'serin already knows.
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 2, day 19 of Turn 12
Notes: Mentioned: T'mhas, M'thos

K'mai

I'serin

K'mai knocked on the Weyrleader's door, waited approximately two
seconds, and then walked in. "I'serin! I have some important news!"
But I'serin was not alone in his office just then.

Shooting K'mai a mildly irritated look, I'serin said, "Let me know if
you have any additional questions, please," to the brownrider that was
leaving. The brownrider gave K'mai a polite nod as he scooted past the
bluerider to depart. I'serin straightened to tug on his shirt as he
gauged K'mai's expression. "Important?" he queried.

"Sorry." K'mai laughed, his expression a mix of guilt and amusement.
He made sure the door was closed and walked up to the Weyrleader's
desk before he said in a quiet voice. "You're not the only bronzerider
who likes men."

There was a flash, a flinch, something he could not control, hearing
it said out loud like that so casually. "I..." I'serin started to say.
And then he cleared his throat awkwardly. "Elaborate," he said softly
as he schooled his expression.

K'mai slid into the seat across from him, still keeping his voice low.
"T'mhas and M'thos aren't just weyrmated for the sake of their
dragons, or helping each other raise the kids. I just had dinner with
them and they're definitely a couple." His eyes were bright with
excitement.

So that was it. I'serin let out a relieved sigh and then chuckled
softly. "I...am aware," he said, "Or at least, I have had the same
experience with them. They invited me to dinner a few sevendays ago
and..." He let the sentence trail because even though he had noticed
the same thing as K'mai repeatedly through the night, he still could
not shake the lifelong feeling of being a pariah. He expected to feel
more...validated. I'serin had a nagging feeling that he should perhaps
speak with a mindhealer about these things, especially now that he was
thrust into the spotlight, but he had far more important matters on
his plate.

"You knew?" K'mai felt the tiniest pang of disappointment but focused
on the most important thing. "Did you talk to them about it? About
you?"

"Shells no!" I'serin said sharply in a raised tone. "K'mai, I
cannot... I do not..." He sputtered uselessly for a moment before
dropping his volume. "K'mai, you are the _first_ person I have told of
this. Anyone else who knew..." It was Turns ago and still was hard to
say. "Anyone else who knew died in River Bluff." And even then, it had
not been very many. I'serin had been very circumspect with his sexual
choices, especially after Impressing.

K'mai ached to hug him, he even started to move, but I'serin probably
didn't want K'mai touching him in his office, even though they were
friends and it was just a hug. "I'm sorry." The reopened wound of
River Bluff's loss was still jagged and raw inside him and I'serin
must feel much the same. "And I'm honored that you shared your secret
with me, but I shouldn't be the only one. I'm sure T'mhas and M'thos
would keep your secret if you asked. I mean, I'm not saying you should
do it right now, just . . . at least think about it."

"I...shall," I'serin promised slowly. He was not certain he wanted
anyone else to know -- especially now that he was Weyrleader and under
far more scrutiny. No one would care much for a mere Wingrider but
someone more high profile? It could possibly damage the Weyr's
reputation. Or perhaps he was seeing shadows where there were none.
"You did not...give them any reason to think that I..." he began to
ask, niggling fear inching into his mind that K'mai had given away
something.

"No, no!" K'mai waved his hands. "I didn't say anything about you. I
wouldn't. I don't understand _why_ you need to hide who you are, but I
know it's important to you." The way I'serin panicked at the mere idea
of anyone finding out made that clear.

The bronzerider exhaled, relieved. "Thank you." Eventually, one day,
he would articulate the Turns of why, the tangled reasons that he kept
within, but...he did not feel like today was that day. In effort to
steer away from opening that jar of tunnel snakes, I'serin said,
"Please tell me that you did not speak adjacent of me all night. You
did _enjoy_ the dinner with them, yes?"

"I had a really nice time, yeah." K'mai thought over what he'd said to
them. "I only said I'd been hearing things and got curious about their
relationship. And that boys who like other boys should know bronze and
brown are possible." He sighed. "I can't _believe_ I missed it this
whole time."

I'serin's thin smile was a brittle mask that held back Turns of
turmoil. "They seem...happy," he said woodenly. "I am glad that they
found each other."

"Shells, they're _adorable_. They met as Candidates and were weyrlings
together. It's like something straight out of a Harper's tale . . .
well a _weyr_ Harper's tale." Then K'mai noticed I'serin's expression.
"Hey, are you okay?"

"Of course," I'serin automatically replied. He did not want to speak
on himself that evening. He felt an odd pang of...wistfulness?
Loneliness? A combination of both? For what someone else was able to
have seemingly so effortless while he had tangled himself into a mess
of suppression and hiding. "They seemed quite out of a Harper's tale
to me as well," he agreed, pushing aside his feelings.

Evading the possibility of having to speak more, I'serin shifted the
conversation, hoping that K'mai would get the hint. "I have a meeting
shortly, K'mai. Is there anything else you needed to talk to me
about?"

K'mai was a little stung, but I'serin _was_ the Weyrleader and he'd
barged in here without an appointment. "I know you're busy. I guess I
got a little overexcited and it turns out you knew already. And if
something's bothering you, you can tell me. About this, about
anything. Not now but . . . whenever you're ready." It seemed like
I'serin might not have anyone else to talk to and K'mai wanted the
bronzerider to come to him the way he'd come to I'serin after the
tragedy at Barrier Lake. The way I'serin had come to him after I'lon
died in Fall . . . just with more talking this time.

The Weyrleader gave him an understanding smile. "I appreciate that,"
he said, trying not to sound like he was politely dismissing K'mai's
offer. His eyes went distant as Aluneth relayed a message and then
I'serin made a small shooing motion. "I will be in touch, I am
certain," he assured K'mai.

"Thanks," K'mai said as he stood. He really needed to get him alone
again. That man clearly needed some release.

Last updated on the February 18th 2025

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