Us Versus Ourselves

Writers: Halyonix, Devin
Date Posted: 12th June 2025
Series: Bronze and Blue Entwined

Characters: I'serin, K'mai
Description: I'serin checks in on K'mai's healing
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 6, day 23 of Turn 12
Notes: Mentioned: M'kayre, E'tariax

I'serin

K'mai

Notes:
~*~

I'serin was not certain how he felt about not leading Threadfall until
his hand healed -- it felt like another failure in some way -- but at
least he had a reprieve of sorts. And he did not need to spend it idle
or alone. He had gone over all of the plans for Threadfall with
M'kayre and was confident that the Weyrsecond would follow the plan to
the letter. His duty discharged, I'serin went to check in on K'mai's
healing.

Aluneth landed on Sebeth's ledge, dislodging some of the accumulated
snow. I'serin wasted no time slipping into the warmth of K'mai's weyr.
He had a small basket of goods to share. "K'mai?"

Sebeth had warned him, so K'mai was waiting. "Hi." He reached for
I'serin with his uninjured hand and pulled him into a kiss.

I'serin forced himself not to hesitate or flinch, falling into a
mantra that E'tariax had suggested that he was good enough as himself.
It helped but it would take some time to unlearn habits he had rigidly
kept for Turns. "Hello," he answered softly after the kiss ended. He
kept one arm draped around K'mai's waist, holding him close. "How are
you feeling today?"

"Better, now that you're here." K'mai's thumb traced his jaw. "How's
your hand, love?" he asked, trying on the endearment. Well, he'd
called plenty of people that, but he hadn't meant it like _this_. It
was a mild surprise for the bronzerider to hear as well, judging by
his expression.

"It does not hurt as much to use it," I'serin answered, still
pondering that endearment and how...warm it felt to hear. He dipped
his head to kiss K'mai's jawline gently. "I brought food. Without
having to oversee drills, I find myself with some unexpected free
time."

K'mai's eyes darkened slightly. "Whatever will we do to fill our time?"

"You," the Weyrleader of Dragonsfall Weyr said with light steel to his
tone, "will heal. Do not think that I am unaware of how many visitors
you have had in the last few days. Aluneth has been keeping an eye on
your ledge." His eyes glinted in amusement, offsetting the scold.

"I mostly lay on my back and let people take care of me," K'mai said
with a roguish smile. "But _most_ of them are just here to check on
me. I need company to keep my spirits up."

I'serin hummed. "Extrovert," he remarked with a courageously
affectionate kiss on K'mai's brow before slipping towards the table to
unload the goods he had brought: little pastries, a bottle of wine,
enough foodstuffs to make a small meat and cheese board. All of these
he set up with mindful efficiency. Perhaps, he was thinking, that if
he leaned into how good it felt to care of someone, that would ease
the anxiety nipping at the edges of his mind about more people knowing
how he felt about K'mai.

K'mai watched him fondly for a moment before he dragged a chair around
and set it next to another. He wanted I'serin close. "My other
friends, I love many of them too, in a slightly different way. But
they aren't you."

The bronzerider wore a self-deprecating smile for a moment before
tapping the edge of the tray. "Eat," he commanded softly. "Please. I
need you back to health. And not because I am your Weyrleader."

K'mai took a seat and picked up one of the pastries. "I'm getting
better with my left hand." He took a bite and hummed his appreciation.
"Oh, they gave you the _really_ good ones."

"I believe they took pity on me," I'serin answered as he lifted his
bandaged hand. He made his own selection of a cheese. "One of them
offered to feed me. I do hope it was a joke."

"Pity or flirting?" K'mai asked with a laugh. "A wounded, sexy
Weyrleader is irresistible." He liked icing from his fingers and only
made it _slightly_ suggestive. It caught I'serin's eyes.

"Incorrigible flirt," the bronzerider muttered as he popped a cheese
bit into his mouth.

K'mai smiled and dutifully ate for a few moments. Sitting next to
I'serin, eating with him, it felt so comfortable. But it brought
something else to mind. He didn't want to ruin the mood, but he didn't
want to hold back either. "I just want to be clear with you, because I
didn't say anything to Gaiya when we weyrmated and it wrecked
everything. Not that we're -- um, anyway, I don't want to be
exclusive. I don't think I _can_." But he was terrified to realize
that if I'serin asked him to, he might actually _try_.

I'serin turned his eyes towards the bluerider. "K'mai," he said
gently, "would you change the color of Sebeth's hide?"

"Never," K'mai said instantly.

"Then why would you wonder if I would ask to change you?" I'serin
queried with the patience of someone who had waited his entire life
for something good to happen to him and who was certainly not going to
ruin it any more than he already had.

Continuing, I'serin explained, "I would not be ready for anything more
than what we are doing now anyway. For various reasons. This...is
going to take time, on my end. You have enjoyed a lifetime of being
yourself and reveling in that identity. I have spent mine hiding every
scrap of it, pretending to be someone that I am not. It will take me
longer than a few months to consider being true weyrmates." He put a
hand on K'mai's. "I would not ask for you to change and I do not ask
for you to rush me. We will figure this out together."

K'mai tried to process all that. I'serin was . . . thinking about
being weyrmates sometime in the future? For him to even _consider_ . .
. "I . . . I'm not sure I even want that. Weyrmating. I love you, but
this is all very new to me." He swallowed, a blush rising in his
cheeks.

I'serin brought K'mai's hand to his lips for a kiss. "We will figure
this out together," he repeated. "Whatever we decide 'this' is. You
are necessary to me."

K'mai would never get tired of hearing that. He smiled warmly, his
eyes getting a little watery. "You're necessary to me, too. That's all
that matters. If we're necessary to each other, if we make space for
each other, the rest will work itself out." He cupped I'serin's face
with his good hand. "You're being so brave, I'serin. Trying for me,
for _us_."

The bronzerider let out a small huff. "It is not easy, I assure you,"
he said. He meant it teasingly but realized that it could be
misconstrued. "On my end," he elaborated, tapping at his head to
indicate his anxieties and overthinking. He exhaled softly. Kissed the
palm of K'mai's hand as he went to grab another bite. "However,
it...is worth it. Even if it is scary."

"It's scary for me, too," K'mai admitted. "I didn't know I could feel
like this and sometimes it's pretty overwhelming. And it's not easy
for me to lie to everyone. To my friends." He looked down at his
plate, and then back up at I'serin. "But it's worth it." His gaze grew
softer. "Shards, how did I miss you all this time?"

I'serin knew the answer to this, though it was not so clear. "We were
not ready. To see each other for what was there." His thumb rubbed
over K'mai's knuckles. "But we are here now."

K'mai's expression stayed soft and warm for a moment. Then he laughed.
"Wait. All that time I was flirting with you . . . you were into it?"

The bronzerider winced, caught. "Yes."

K'mai laughed. "Oh shards! No wonder I liked teasing you so much.
Getting you to blush and stammer was so . . ." He bit his lip. "I
always dismissed it because you were a bronzerider and I thought your
reactions were just embarrassment." The bluerider's voice softened.
"Is that why you came to me that night?"

I'serin nodded slowly. "Among...other...reasons."

"I know you were feeling overwhelmed, and guilty, and you needed a
release. Was there something else?" K'mai asked gently.

The bronzerider was quiet for a moment. "I knew that you would not judge me."

K'mai's heart clenched. "No." He lifted I'serin's hand and kissed it.
"That night, and the next morning when you told me your secret, I
finally saw you, the real you, for the first time."

I'serin's fingers stroked K'mai's jaw gently. The left corner of his
mouth quirked into a small smile. "Thank you," he said quietly,
fervently.

"Thank _you_," K'mai said. "For coming to me. For trusting me. For . .
. so much."

The bronzerider leaned forward to gently kiss the bluerider.
"Necessary to me," he murmured.

K'mai caressed his cheek. "Like sunlight."

Last updated on the July 22nd 2025

[Prev: Rumor Has It] Series: Bronze and Blue Entwined [Next: Carry My Heart With You]

Welcome to Triad Weyrs!

Us Versus Ourselves