This Isn't What I Want

Writers: Devin, Halyonix
Date Posted: 17th September 2025

Characters: R'lor, Tindral
Description: R'lor checks in with new Candidate Tindral
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 10, day 10 of Turn 12
Notes: Mentioned: Zaidi

R'lor

Notes:
~*~

She wasn't quite hunching her shoulders as she walked towards the Weyrlingmaster's office but she wasn't walking with a straight back either. She didn't _think_ she had done anything wrong but she wasn't sure why she had been called to his office either. So when she knocked, it was timid, unsure.

It was just loud enough for R'lor to hear. "Come in, Tindral." He'd been expecting the young, recently-arrived Candidate.

She crept in, still wary. He _sounded_ pleasant so maybe she hadn't done anything wrong? Adults could be deceitful though. Sometimes they sounded nice right before they yelled at you. "H-Hello, W-Weyrlingmaster s-sir."

"Have a seat." The Weyrlingmaster gestured to the chair in front of him. "You're not in any trouble, don't worry. I like to meet with all the new Candidates so I can get to know them a little."

She took a seat. Her feet didn't quite touch the ground but she didn't swing them like a child would. She eyed him with hopefuly caution. "What...what d-do you want t-to know?"

"Maybe talk about your family, and where you're from?" The girl was obviously nervous and he hoped he could put her at ease. Shards, she was so _young_.

"Em...emerald F-Falls area." Not the main Hold, one of the smaller ones near it. "I have...l-lots of siblings. But only one older." Tindral paused. Why hadn't her brother been Searched? He would have been a better choice for this for sure! "Do...do d-dragons ever go b-back and S-Search again? Maybe s-someone they...overlooked?"

"They do. We visit all the major Holds regularly, and even the most remote ones once or twice a Turn. Anyone the right age will be looked over," R'lor said. "And each Search dragon is different. One might pick up on something another overlooked."

Her shoulders relaxed a little. Then maybe her brother would be picked up by another dragon. And _he_ could be the dragonrider in the family instead of her. She kicked her feet absently as she thought about how much better of a circumstance that would be.

R'lor waited a moment and then asked, "Do you have any interest in a craft?"

As if she was scared to admit dreams other than being a dragonrider, Tindral nodded. "H-Harper. I...I like to sing."

"Oh, that's wonderful. We have many Harpers here. No rush, but the Headwoman can get you set up to apprentice. It gets you out of some chore time." R'lor winked.

"She...she can?" came the tiniest of hopeful replies.

"Of course. Here you only have to ask if you'd like to study a craft, and you're the perfect age to start." While R'lor hoped she would find her lifemate, he also hoped it would be a few Turns from now. Training as a harper would be a good way for her to pass the time until then.

She looked down at the ground, thinking. Here, the Weyr offered her a lot of things that she didn't have access to at home. But it was so big, so loud. And she wasn't sure if she wanted to be a dragonrider. Ever. She fidgeted nervously. "C-Can...can a C-Candidate decide n-not to Impress? And...and j-just stay?" No, she didn't think she liked the idea of staying but she liked the idea of being able to study something.

"Ah, is that why you accepted the Search? So you could come to the Weyr?" She would be far from the first girl to do so.

It wasn't _quite_ why but...it kind of seemed that way. Tindral shook her head. "My...my....my parents s-said..." She inhaled sharply, trying to find her words. "My p-parents said that a dragon...a dragonrider in the f-family would be good."

At least they didn't seem to have any hosility toward the Weyr. "And what do _you_ want?" R'lor asked.

It was quite possibly the _worst_ question he could have asked her.

Did she want to be a harper? Yes? Maybe? Did she want to be a dragonrider? No, not really, but she couldn't tell her parents that. And they really wanted her to be a dragonrider. Did she want to stay at the Weyr? Maybe? It was big and loud but it had a craft she could study, maybe. Did she want to go home? Yes? It was quiet and small and she knew everything there but it didn't have a craft and she didn't have maybe a new friend at home...and...and...

"I...I...d-d-don't _know_," she wailed. And Tindral burst into tears.

"Oh hey, hey." R'lor stumbled to his feet and hurried around the desk to pat Tindral's shoulder. "It's okay. You don't need to have everything figured out right now. This is a big change, and the Weyr can be overwhelming." Though if she truly didn't want to Stand she'd need to make that decision before she walked out onto the Hatching Sands.

It _was_ overwhelming and everyone kept admitting that it was but that didn't help it be any _less_ overwhelming, Tindral wanted to wail. But instead she just cried it out.

He rubbed the girl's shoulder. "Would you like a hug?"

Through watery sobs, Tindral nodded.

R'lor bent down and wrapped his arms around Tindral in a firm, warm hug. "It's all right." He was going to have Cirina check in on her and help the girl settle in.

Something about his tone comforted her enough to halfway believe him that it would, indeed, be all right. Maybe. "S-S-Sorry," she eventually apologized because she thought that she should. Even though she didn't think that crying was wrong but it seemed like she should apologize for it anyway.

"No need to apologize." He slowly drew back and gave her shoulder a pat. "You might be surprised how many people cry in my office. Hold on, that sounded bad." R'lor chuckled.

Tindral hiccuped. It might have been an attempt at a laugh.

"There are people here you can talk to if you need support, or if you need help figuring things out," the Weyrlingmaster said. "You might feel all alone in a new place, but you're not."

She wanted to say, quietly, that he was wrong, because she felt very much alone, but she remembered that she had made a friend in Zaidi. Well, the start of a friend. Since she didn't know what to say, Tindral looked down at her feet and said, "Th-Thank you, s-sir."

"Do you have any questions for me?" R'lor asked.

She shook her head. She was ready to leave the conversation but didn't know how to politely ask for that. Or if she even should. Her parents had always told her to wait for the adults to decide what to do, not Tindral.

"All right. But if you think of anything, my door is always open." He patted her shoulder again. "You're dismissed."

Last updated on the September 18th 2025

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This Isn't What I Want