It's All Overwhelming

Writers: Aaron, Devin
Date Posted: 6th December 2025

Characters: R'lor, H'yazi
Description: R'lor tries to figure out why H'yazi is struggling.
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 11, day 1 of Turn 12
Notes: Mentioned: I'thralos

R'lor

When class was over, R'lor asked H'yazi -- quietly, through their dragons -- to stay behind.

H'yazi was immediately on edge. On guard. He knew this was going to happen. He was doing so horribly at everything. He was second-guessing himself so much that he often changed his answers when he had been correct the first time. He was so nervous, so anxious that he was practically jumping out of his skin at every little thing any time Iarlath was not touching him.

He knew he was not hiding it well enough. But he had hoped he would have more time. Iarlath pressed himself against H'yazi's leg.

}:Hey, you know what? It's gonna be all right.:{ His tone was soothing and calm, but the concern for H'yazi was still there behind it all.

**I know. It's fine. Everything's fine. It's probably nothing.**

}:Hm.:{

"Y-yes sir?" H'yazi trembled.

"I've noticed you've been struggling a bit," R'lor said gently. "Is there anything you'd like to talk about? It's all right if you're having issues adjusting to your new bond, or weyrlife, or if there are holes in your education."

"U-um..." What was he supposed to say? His parents, such as they were, had seen fit to teach him to read, write, and figure numbers because it was necessary -- or, at least, beneficial -- for their grifting. He was no genius, but he was not miles behind on these things.

'Adjusting' was similar. They had taught him how to pretend to feel at ease anywhere, though he had lost all of his confidence in that regard after what happened with Hayarall and Liazi. But was not as though he was some prudish Hold kid who could not handle seeing two men holding hands.

He supposed the only thing left was the bond. But even the mere thought of giving Iarlath any more reason to realize he had made a poor choice in making him his rider sent walls up around his mind, fighting to block him out of seeing or hearing H'yazi's misgivings.

He could hardly talk about these things in front of him. But he also could not bear the thought of being away from him.

"I-I..." H'yazi's eyes flitted to Iarlath.

}:You know, everything would be a little easier if you wouldn't try so hard to shut me out.:{

H'yazi was not as good as he thought he was at keeping the parts of himself he was ashamed of hidden from his dragon. But Iarlath did not want to press the point. He just wanted H'yazi to... Well, to what, he was not sure. He just wanted him to get better.

**I'm not shutting you out,** the lad insisted.

}:Hm.:{

"W-well, what do I do, then?" Maybe H'yazi could just let R'lor make his own assumptions about what was the matter. He was the teacher-- he should know.

"About what? I think the first step is to tell me what's bothering you most." R'lor studied him a moment. "I want to help you, H'yazi." R'lor had been more than a little apprehensive when the Weyrleader had agreed to take some of the Holdless from Dragonsfall, and then H'yazi had been Searched and R'lor's concern grew. But from all he'd seen so far, H'yazi was a quiet, gentle lad. Not at all the violent, wild criminal he'd feared.

"A-about...? You said I was struggling, so...?" Faranth. Was R'lor going to do some kind of mental pugilism to make H'yazi figure out the answers to his own problems? If it was that easy, he would have already fixed everything himself. "I thought you'd know what to do."

"I'm not inside your head, lad," R'lor said with a little smile. "I can see you struggling with your assignments, I can see you being tense and anxious, but I need you to tell me where those issues are coming from."

"I don't know!" H'yazi pleaded. His eyes darted back to Iarlath again. He could never let the wonderful little thing hear him say he did not deserve him, lest he agree. "It's all just... so hard..."

"Well, let's try to figure it out together," the Weyrlingmaster said. "Is it your bond? Or are you struggling with the fact that Iarlath is blue?"

That question made H'yazi squint as he struggled to wrap his mind around what that could possibly have to do with anything.

"I don't...? Is that going to be a problem?" Maybe there was something unusual about blues he did not know about.

}:Well, I think I'm rather extraordinary, myself,:{ said Iarlath.

"No, no. I was wondering if maybe you had dreams of being a Weyrleader or Wingleader and have some disappointment," R'lor said. "Or that you absorbed some negative ideas about blueriders."

"Oh! Huh." H'yazi had never even thought about the fact that he might be a leader. He shook his head. No. He did not need that. Or want that.

"No, that's not it. No, Iarlath _is_ extraordinary."

And I'm not, he realized.

"And I'm not."

"Oh," R'lor said softly, his heart aching. "But you are. You were born into circumstances that can make people cynical and selfish, but you held on to your kindness. That's no small thing."

But had he, though? He had seen it all like a game until Hayarall and Liazi. They had never been anywhere long enough for him to get attached, to consider the consequences of what they were doing until his parents had decided to try their long con.

And then it had been Haya and Liazi who had found and nurtured kindness in him. He had very little to do with it.

"I guess... I just... I still can't do the work as well as everyone else. Kindness doesn't kill Thread."

"No, but it does make your bond with your dragon stronger, and it does give you a reason to fight." R'lor studied him. "You are worthy of Iarlath because he _chose_ you. That love, and having someone inside your head, seeing all your faults and fears . . . that can be very overwhelming."

"It's all overwhelming," said H'yazi. "I never would have believed anyone who told me a Turn ago this is where I would be. Or who I would be."

"I'm here for you." R'lor put a hand on his shoulder. "So let's start with one small thing. I want you to say, 'I'm extraordinary, and I deserve to be Iarlath's rider'."

H'yazi almost flinched. Not at the hand on his shoulder, that was fine. But at being made to repeat something he was not quite sure in his heart he believed. That was exactly how he learned new names, new backstories when he and his parents moved on to a new place. They made him repeat it.

}:You're overthinking it. Don't worry so much about deserving things,:{ said Iarlath. }:You and I have each other. We can work up to whatever comes next together.:{

"Y-yeah... I deserve to be Iarlath's rider."

That was so unconvincing that R'lor made a choked sound as he tried not to laugh. "Say it again, and _mean_ it. The most marvelous creature on Pern chose _you_ when he could have had any of the Candidates on the Sands. Or even any of those watching," he said as he thought of I'thralos.

H'yazi knew Holdless folks had to lie to survive. They owed neither trust nor the truth to anyone. He had thought it was different when one had a home. But maybe everyone else was the same way after all.

Well. H'yazi knew how to lie. He had learned it exactly as R'lor was teaching it. Exactly as H'yazi's parents had before him.

So he turned on the smile. He relaxed away his tension. And he nodded as though he had been convinced.

"The most marvelous creature on Pern chose me." That was, at least, one part of what R'lor had said that H'yazi could repeat truthfully. There was always some crumb of truth you could use to season a lie. It always made it easier to say the rest with the same conviction. "And I deserve to be his rider."

}:Fake it until you make it, I always say,:{ said Iarlath.

"There, that's better," R'lor said. Not great, but better. "I'll let you go, but come to my office tomorrow after class and we'll talk more." And he'd have Kularth talk to Iarlath to see if the young blue was having any difficulties.

"Yes, sir." H'yazi nodded.

Last updated on the December 30th 2025

Welcome to Triad Weyrs!

It's All Overwhelming