Maybe It'd Be Best...

Writers: Dana, Eimi
Date Posted: 24th June 2006

Characters: Larken, M'tone
Description: Larken and M'tone have a serious discussion on the difference between right and wrong...
Location: Harper Hall
Date: month 12, day 8 of Turn 3

The brownrider fell into step with the young woman as she walked along the shore, the waves gently lapping her feet. "Beautiful day for a walk."

"It is, isn't it?" she smiled, glancing up into his tanned face. For some reason, she wasn't that surprised of his sudden company. They often saw each other; briefly in the dining cavern, in passing, even out here on the beach... "How are you today, M'tone?"

"Oh just fine. I left Encourth to lay in the sun. He's such a lazy lump sometimes," he grinned. "And what are _you_ doing out here?"

She grinned at him. "Walking."

"Well, do you mind if I walk with you?"

Larken shook her head, her grin easing back into a smile. "I'd like the company."

"You sure do like being alone, don't you," he said with a smile to soften his words. "Almost every time I've met you you've been on your own."

Feeling a little uncomfortable, she shrugged a shoulder, keeping her eyes trained down on the sand. "I guess... I guess it's not so much as liking solitude as it is...well, not being able to open up to strangers that well." And the one time she did open up to others here at the Weyr, she got into trouble with her husband. That was certainly one thing she didn't want to have happen again. "But it's different for you dragonriders. Weyrfolk. I mean, I've seen you all... You make it look so easy!"

"Make what look so easy?" he asked curiously.

"Just....opening up to people. All kinds of people."

He shrugged a shouulder. "Oh, its not so hard, really. You just be yourself, is all."

"Or you could share a bottle or two of strong liquor..." She slanted him an almost teasing look, a grin twitching at her lips. "I noticed that doing that can be a good ice-breaker."

"Hmm, I'll have to remeber to bring some the next time we meet," he said making her look. "I think you could still do with a bit of loosening up."

Larken flushed. She'd meant it to be a joke...she hadn't thought he'd actually take it into consideration! What would Ojisan think? And yet....what was the harm in drinking just a little to be social? That's all it was, really. It was social. "Just...just make sure it's not too strong." She gave him a hesitant smile. "I don't hold my liquor very well."

The brownrider could almost read the thoughts running through her mind at that moment. "He doesn't _own_ you, you know, Larken. You can be your own person, with our without your husband's permission."

She stopped walking, planting her bare, white feet in the wet sand. "I never said he _did_ own me." M'tone's words bothered her - more than she wanted to admit to herself.

"You didn't _have_ to," he replied gently, stopping in front of her.

Her blue eyes darted to his before she looked away. "What's that supposed to mean?" Perhaps her tone was more rough than she would've liked, but this.... And what did _he_ know, anyway?

"I mean that if you want to drink you should drink. If you want to dance you should dance. If you want to kiss a man, you should kiss him." His eyes flickered with challenge, but he knew better than to push it. "Or whatever it is you want to do, you should do it and not worry about him so much."

Something in her that she didn't even recognize suddenly rose up to meet the challenge in his eyes, and her own flashed with anger...and a suppressed need. "Is that how all you dragonriders think?" Her expression was hard as she took a step back. "Throw propriety to the wind, and just do what makes _you_ feel good?"

His first thought was to apologize and take back what he had said, but finally he decided that this was something that needed to be said. "Well, we certainly don't believe in pretending to be something we are not just to make someone _else_ happy. I guess we don't hide how we feel, or lie about what we want or think or do. We laugh when we want to laugh, and we touch who we want to touch, and we say what we're truly thinking, not what other people want to hear us say. We may not fit into your notion of propriety, but just what is so sharding great about propriety anyway?"

"It's not about if it's _great_ or not. It's about what's _right_."

"Well, I don't think any of it is _right_," he said crossing his arms across his chest. "I don't think its _right_ for any man to tell a woman what to do, or how to act, as if she were some errant or ignorant child! I don't think its _right_ to lie to one another's face just to save face. And I certainly don't think its _right_ to look down on other people and consider yourself morally superior just because someone a long time before you were born made up this whole notion of 'propriety' and then made everyone obey it."

"So you would tell me to be unfaithful to _my_ husband, and be with another man, if it would make me 'happy'?" Anger coursed through her; anger of the thought of betraying Ojisan - and at the very knowledge that all the brownrider had told her struck too close to home. Much too close. "You're telling me that the oaths he and I took on our wedding day....I would have to _break_ them, and it would be all right because one sharding night of passion would make me feel _good_? And that justifies me breaking his heart?"

"I wasn't just talking about sex," he said unwrapping his arms and planting his fists firmly on his hips. "But even if I had, why not? You have a heart that can break too, don't you? Shouldn't it be even more wrong to have to lie to someone just to make them believe you are happy all the time?"

"No!" She shook her head, her cheeks flushing a dull red, her eyes filling suddenly with tears, but whether they were because of the emotions thrumming inside of her needing to be released, or because of his words hitting home, she didn't know. Mortified by her reaction to him, she looked away, taking another step back. "No," she whispered.

"All right, all right, I'm sorry," he said quietly reaching for her. "I didn't mean to upset you. I should have just kept my big mouth shut.
Come here. I really am sorry."

Larken's hesitation was very brief when he drew her gently closer.

"I guess on this point you and I will just have to agree to disagree, huh?" he murmured as he cradled her head against him, his fingers softly stroking her beautiful long hair. "Don't cry, Larken."

Squeezing her eyes tightly shut, she nestled against him, trying to get her emotions under control. Faranth...why?

"Will you forgive me for being a big dumb dragonrider?" he asked quietly teasing as he gently rocked her to the rhythm of the sound of the waves around them.

That brought a small laugh out of her, and she reached up to wipe her eyes. "We've had this discussion before.... I don't think your dumb,"
she murmured, glancing up at him, embarrassed.

"Well, I certainly seem to say and do dumb things around you," he murmured, reaching up to wipe a tear away with his thumb. The tear was gone but his fingers remained, gently brushing away imaginary tears as he looked down into her glazed, watery pools.

Larken gazed back up at him, aware like she hadn't been before of the way his fingers touched her, of the way he was looking at her.
Swallowing, she lowered her eyes and slowly began to shift away, very concious that this was no longer the innocent embrace of comfort. "You're not dumb, M'tone," she whispered.

The brownrider looked down at her silently for a few moments. He opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something but quickly just turned to look out to sea. "Well," he finally said, breaking the uncomfortable silence that had grown between them, "I think you came out here to be alone, and... I guess I should head back to the Weyr."

Folding her arms over her chest, she nodded, wondering if this was his way of saying good-bye. Maybe...maybe it'd be for the best if it was.
Maybe...

Last updated on the June 29th 2006

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