Resentment and Guilt

Writers: Dana, Eimi
Date Posted: 27th August 2006

Characters: Larken, Ojisan
Description: Larken's resentment towards Ojisan grows a little deeper
Location: Harper Hall
Date: month 13, day 21 of Turn 3

Ojisan crept carefully into their sleeping room. He gently set the cases off to the side and kicked off his boots. It was just so good to finally be home! The journeyman didn't even bother with his sleeping clothes, he just crawled across the bed to lay down behind his wife, gently reaching out for her and relishing in the feeling of warmth and comfort she provided just by being there to come home to.

Larken had been so lost in her reverie of the kisses she and M'tone had traded that night that she started when she felt Ojisan's touch. Faranth!
She hadn't even heard him come in... Her blood ran like ice, and she waited a moment, heart hammering in her chest, feeling as if she'd just been caught doing something that she certainly shouldn't be doing.

Pretending that he'd woken her--when, in actuality, she'd been _far_ from sleep--she rolled her head to blink sleepily at him. "You just get in?"
Hopefully her words sounded muzzy enough...

"Mmmhmm," he hummed, burying his nose in her hair. "Faranth, what a day. I didn't mean to wake you, love. I just... It just feels so good to hold you for a while."

Trying to shove those thoughts of M'tone away, she smiled, hoping it didn't look as forced as it felt. Shards and shells... It had been so easy to pretend nothing else existed when Ojisan hadn't been here. It'd been easy to pretend she wasn't married, that she could act the way she wanted _when_ she wanted, that she was free to choose M'tone...free to build a relationship with him. But now that Ojisan was here, his arm around her, nose buried in her hair, that imaginary reality turned to ashes, and she was slammed back into the world in which she was born into.

Guilt started to trickle into her consciousness again.

"Are you tired?" she asked softly.

"In every way possible," he sighed, squeezing her even closer. "I can't wait for this concert to be finished so I can have my life back."

And when he finally got it back... Resentment welled in her, mingling with her guilt. She wouldn't be able to have as much free time--free time to spend with M'tone. And she _wanted_ to see him. Larken had crossed a line tonight when she kissed him, and she knew she couldn't go back.
**And...I'm not sure if I want to.** "Mmmm...."

"Just a little while longer, and then you can have me all to yourself again," Ojisan said as he kissed her neck softly. "And then I promise we'll find a rider to take us flying. I know you've been more than patient waiting for me. But I haven't forgotten, love."

She couldn't help the slow flush that crept up her neck at his words, remembering what M'tone had said about "flying". Faranth... "I'd like that," she whispered, trying not to stiffen as he brought her up tighter against him. "Very much."

"Maybe we could also take a trip? Visit your family, perhaps?"

At that, a small, genuine smile curved her lips, and she turned her head to look at him. "And your son?"

"Yes, I would like to see him," Ojisan admitted. "It's been too long."

Even after being married to Ojisan for five Turns now, it was still hard for Larken to wrap her mind around the fact that she was almost as old as his son. The slight difference in their ages still made her feel a little uncomfortable--and certainly a lot more self-conscious than she _should_
feel about this. Her awareness of the huge gap between her age and Ojisan's had only been heightened since she first met M'tone. And now...

Guilt filtered into her thoughts again as she looked at her husband--at his wrinkling face and his graying hair. Gently she reached out then, tracing a finger across his cheek.

He leaned into the soft touch as his eyes met hers. But there was no guilt, or doubt. Just the soft growing light of desire. "I love you, Larken," he murmured softly.

Swallowing thickly, she traced the same finger across his lips before pressing her mouth against them. Larken knew it was a cowardly way out, but she just couldn't say those words tonight. Not after being in M'tone's arms, kissing him more passionately than she was kissing her own husband now.... Guiltily, she deepened the kiss.

Ojisan could not guess her reasons for kissing him so. All he knew was he had a loving and willing wife in his arms who he cherished with all his heart. She was perfection in his eyes. Wrapped safely in his ignorance, he made love to his wife as if there was no other, as if he had been the only man to ever touch her lips that way... as if he was secure in the knowledge that she was making love to him, too.

Last updated on the August 27th 2006

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Resentment and Guilt