Will You Trust Me? (1/2)

Writers: Dana, Eimi
Date Posted: 8th October 2006

Characters: Larken, Ojisan
Description: Larken spends a night consumed by guilt and memories
Location: Harper Hall
Date: month 13, day 25 of Turn 3
Notes: Follows "You Make Me Happy", Part 1/2

Feeling him shift gently against her, flesh sliding against flesh, Larken opened her eyes to look at her husband's face. He was asleep, breathing evenly, deeply. Her gaze traced the lines of age etched in his features, up to his silvery hair, down to his shoulders...to the graying hair on his chest.

There'd been a time once, before coming to this Weyr, when Larken would eagerly--even lovingly--caress him along those areas, responding shyly to his encouraging murmurs. She'd done so because she had wanted to. Because she'd enjoyed doing so. It was what a husband and his wife did together during the long nights, after all. The giving and taking of pleasure was all she'd been aware of when they had lain together between the sheets.

But now... It was so very different now to make love to him. Guilt lay behind every touch, every soft cry, every kiss. The guilt had been there tonight, and it had been so sharp and so terrible that to try and escape it, she'd led them along. _She_ had set the mood...had set their rhythm. Larken had never done that before--had never even known she could until tonight. Ojisan had been shocked at first to see his shy, young wife acting that way, but then the momentary shock had faded and he had delighted in it--in her.

But he'd been oblivious to the real reasons why she'd done so. He'd been so blissfully unaware that she was torn up inside. And he still was.

Hesitantly Larken reached out to touch his hand. She would never tell him about M'tone. Not ever. And she would never let on that the real reason of why she'd made love to him was to escape her torn feelings, to hide her shame in betraying him and trying to atone for that rash mistake. There was absolutely no way she could ever justify her impulsive actions. Ojisan didn't deserve to be hurt like this. He had always been so very good to her; so kind, gentle, loving and patient. Perhaps even especially patient...

~*~

They were alone now.

Larken drew in a deep breath, looking around at the apartments she would now live in. With him. The room she was standing in was nicely furnished, masculine in its way, with bits of femininity here and there. Those touches must have been added by his first wife. She'd been a lovely woman--or what Larken could remember of her. And yet, though she knew Ojisan had lived with a woman here before, it didn't feel like she was an intruder. It was odd, because she had been so certain that she _would_
feel that way. But instead, she felt like a welcomed guest, for she couldn't quite bring herself to call this place home.

Not yet. It was too soon for that.

Feeling his thick fingers slide across the back of her hand, Larken turned her face up to his. She looked very young with her long, dark hair loose and flowing, with that circlet of small, white flowers adorning her head.
A child-bride. A girl just coming into womanhood.

"Your looking as if you've never seen my quarters before," he said with a shy smile. It had been a long time since his wife had died, and Larken was so young. So fresh and new to what it meant to be a wife. He could tell she was nervous, but he hoped she couldn't see the same nervousness in him.

She returned his smile, and just as shyly. "It's...different, this time."
The last time she'd been here, she'd been visiting with her father. She'd been younger then, still small enough to get away with sitting on her papa's knee.

"Well, perhaps I should give you a tour," he said as he reached down to take her hand. "This is, as you can see, the family area. There is the kitchen."

Where she would be putting all those cooking lessons to use, she was sure.
A small smile curved her lips. "Did you put those flowers there?" she asked, pointing to a glass vase in the middle of the table.

"Those are for you," he nodded. "To make you feel more at home."

And she turned another smile on him, but this time it wasn't a nervous one, or a shy one. He was so thoughtful... Thoughtful and kind. "They're beautiful."

"I'm glad you like them." He steered her around and walked her across to two rooms. "This here," he said opening on door, "is the extra bedroom for when we decide to start a family." Ojisan watched her face closely as she looked into the room. He wondered if she had really thought about that much - having children with him.

"It's lovely. And what a gorgeous view..." Larken had felt a flutter of...something...when he'd said that. But she couldn't quite place the feeling.

"I'm glad you like it. And this room," he said, opening the second door, "is my study and practice room. Of course, it too can be used as a bedroom as our family grows."

She peered inside, tilting her head as she observed the wooden desk with sheets upon sheets of music spread out. Wooden shelves lined the walls where worn hides and precious books were stacked, and as her gaze traveled across, instrument cases could be seen in each corner. "Is that the first gitar you ever played? Papa told me about it."

"Yes, it is," he grinned. He was touched that she would remember things like that. "You will hear me use it a lot. I still practice on it every day." Ojisan looked down at her with a satisfied smiled as he watched her take everything in.

She was so smart and beautiful. Larken had grown into a wonderful woman.
He couldn't believe how lucky he was that she had agreed to marry him -
_him_! A man as old as her father! She could have found a man more her age if she had wanted to. There was no lack of men who would see all the attributes he admired in her. Part of him wondered just why it was she agreed to it. He wanted to believe that it was because she felt something for him too...

She glanced up at him, her expression shy again. "I've heard you play at Gathers. You play so well."

"Thank you," he smiled. Taking a deep breath, he gently tugged her hand to lead her to the last room he had to show her. He opened the door and gently pulled her inside. "This is our bedroom."

Larken couldn't help the blush that colored her cheeks as her eyes went to the large bed that was centered in the middle of the room, and she ducked her head, her dark hair falling to hide her face. She tried to think of something to tell him--something complimentary, something soft or sweet--but nothing came to mind. She knew just how obvious and thick the silence between them was, and her blush deepened.

Ojisan gently pushed her hair out of her face. She was so beautiful and fragile. He just wanted to touch her, to hold her, and do a lot more. His fingers curled under her chin and lifted her face to look him in the eyes.
"I will take care of you, and I will not hurt you Larken. You can trust me."

Looking him in the eye now was probably the hardest thing she had ever had to do. "I know," she whispered, very aware suddenly of just how close he was to her, of how his fingers, roughened slightly by calluses, felt against the tender skin of her throat.

He leaned down and kissed her softly, letting his lips linger against hers as his finger traced her jaw.

She began to tremble, but it wasn't just from her nervousness. No...it was much more than that. Not knowing quite what to do, but getting the sense that she should be doing _something_, she leaned in a little more, brushing her lips against his.

Ojisan accepted her attempt to kiss him and finally leaned back and smiled encouragingly down at her. "You are very beautiful, Larken," he whispered as he touched her cheek softly. "Just trust me, love. Will you trust me?"

Larken gazed up at him, wishing she had enough courage to speak, wishing that she could find the words. Instead, she nodded quietly, her fingers tightening slightly over his.

This was much harder than his first wedding night. That night neither he nor his bride knew what to expect or what they were doing. They figured it out together, neither one feeling all the pressure or all the anxiety. Now, he was the one with all the experience, and she was the one with all the fear. The best way to calm her fears was to show her there was nothing to be afraid of. "I think its time we go to bed. Why don't you get yourself ready?"

She tilted her head slightly, unsure of how to interpret that.

"The bathing chamber is through there," he said pointing to a curtained off area. "There is a sink and your box of toiletries. I believe your mother put your sleeping clothes in the bottom drawer there." Her husband released her hand and walked over to sit on the edge of the bed and began taking off his shoes. "Go ahead," he smiled encouragingly.

Last updated on the October 8th 2006

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Will You Trust Me? (1/2)