I Can't Lie

Writers: Dana, Eimi
Date Posted: 7th December 2006

Characters: Larken, M'tone
Description: M'tone joins Larken for lunch, and things get awkward
Location: Harper Hall
Date: month 1, day 9 of Turn 4

M'tone was sure she would come to the Dinning Cavern for lunch. She usually did. He just had to wait for her. After ten minutes he had almost given up until he noticed a familiar young woman step up into line.
He quickly moved in so no one else could take his place behind her. One warning look to the bluerider who almost moved in before him bought him just enough time to slip in front of him and behind her. "Larken," he said nonchalantly, as if it where mere chance that had placed him there. "I didn't expect to see you here!"

"Oh!" Her eyes widened and a flush rose in her cheeks. "Oh...M'tone." She swallowed thickly, nervously rubbing the side of her neck. Shards... "How are you?"

"A little hungry. You?" **Please say you're lost and miserable without me...**

She gave him a tiny smile. "The same." Shells, she hoped she could keep up with the small talk. Seeing him after Turn's End was shocking, and much too uncomfortable. Larken glanced away from him to look at the line.
Couldn't they move any faster? How long did it take to get a bowl of soup and bread, anyway?

"How have you been? I haven't seen you in a while." Days at least.

"I've been well." She couldn't quite meet his eyes when she said it. Shards, what else could she say? "How's Encourth doing?"

"All right, I guess. He misses you." The brownrider knew she could read the truth behind that statement. It was the closest he could come to telling her how he truly felt without upsetting her sensibilities.

Her blue eyes flickered to his. "I miss him too," she murmured before she could stop herself. She quickly looked away, not wanting to see his expression. She wasn't sure what she wanted to see.

That brought a small smile to his face. It was good to know it wasn't just him hating this separation between them. "Well, he wants you to know that if you ever want to change your mind and fly with him, he'll always be happy to give you a ride."

The flush spread down her neck, and suddenly it was very warm in the dining cavern. Ignoring her own caution, Larken met his eyes, her own filled with embarrassment and longing.

"Well, something smells good," the brownrider smiled, trying to change the subject and put her a bit more at ease. He had said what he really wanted her to know, and the way she reacted answered all his questions. It was not something that could be pushed. If she wanted him again, she would know he was willing.

"I wonder what kind of soup it is today." Desperately Larken tried to recover her composure. And if she couldn't recover it all, then hopefully she could recover at least _some_ of it! Rubbing the side of her neck again, she moved up a couple steps, wondering how any other woman would act in this predicament. The last time she'd seen the brownrider, she'd been pushed back up against the wall, their lips melded together, and their bodies too... Shards and shells.

"It looks like Cheese or Cream Asperagus," the brownrider answered, leaning over her slightly, using the excuse to get just a little closer to her.

She wrinkled her nose. "Maybe I'll just take the little bits of asperagus out of mine..."

"Why not just skip the soup?" M'tone asked with a curious smile. "You don't _have_ to eat it, you know."

She blushed. Shards! She wished she could keep her emotions under tighter control... "But I like the creamy cheese part."

"All right," he sighed dramatically, "I'll eat your asperagus bits for you."

Larken slanted him a small grin.

"Is there anything else from your plate I can eat for you?" he asked, batting innocent eyes.

She bit her lower lip to keep her grin from widening. How was it he could always _almost_ ease the tension in any uncomfortable situation? **I really shouldn't encourage him....** "Just the asperagus, I think."

He steered her towards a table at the back wall with two empty seats side by side. Perfect. "How about your desert? Do you really need your desert?"

"Of course I do!" Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to be so isolated from most of the mob... **Shards, what am I doing?** "I always need my desert. You should've gotten two if you wanted mine so much."

"I'm only trying to be a gentlemen," he smiled as he slipped on to the seat, and waited for her to take the seat next to him.

"Sure you are." Her tone was only half-teasing as she gingerly slid into the chair beside his. Was there any way to push it away from him just a little without being rude?

M'tone grabbed his soup bowl and scooted a little closer. "All right then, hand over the asperagus."

Pushing her bowl towards his, Larken glanced at him, tryng to gauge his intentions as he drew closer. Certainly he should _know_... Shells. Sure he knew. He just chose to ignore it. Swallowing thickly, she looked down at her soup before he could catch her eye. Being this close to him stirred memories she'd rather not think about.

"How about the celery bits? Do you want those too?" he asked, choosing to ignore the way she would not look at him.

"Maybe just a couple." The small grin was back. "My papa always taught me to eat my veggies."

"Well, apparently that was good advice. It seems to have served you well." His smile turned almost longing as he looked at her, wishing their converstation before Turns End had never happened. Wishing her marriage to a man twice her age had never happened. He forced himself to push those thoughts back as he spooned the rest of the asperagus spears into his bowl. "There you go, ma'am. It has been de-veggied for you."

That brought a laugh out of her. "Thank you." Taking her spoon, she scooped up the creamy broth and blew on it to cool it--and tried not to flush. She could feel his eyes on her as she blew, and so she nervously shoved the spoonful into her mouth. As daintily as she could, of course--and tried not to wince as the cheese burned her tongue.

She was still beautiful, still shy. Of course, really, how much did he expect her to change in so short a time? He just wanted to touch her, right or wrong. Just a little touch to remind her that he would always be ready for her when she wanted him again, and just something to ease the aching in his heart. Picking up in spoon in his left hand, he brought a vegitable laden spoonful of soup to his lips as his other hand slipped under the table to caress the back of his fingers against hers.

Keeping her eyes fixed firmly on her bowl, Larken concentrated on remembering how to breathe after she'd swallowed her mouthful of hot soup.
And though she wished she could, she just couldn't ignore his touch--the way those callused knuckles of his grazed over hers. Before she could stop herself, she raised an index finger, nail lightly brushing against his fingertips.

It was all the invitation the brownrider needed. He slid his palm across hers, their fingers slipping between each other and intertwinning. His thumb softely caressed hers as he brought another biteful of soup to his lips, but he couldn't taste it. The only sensation he was aware of was the warmth of her hand and the softness of her skin.

Larken put her spoon down. Shells...what was she doing? **I shouldn't encourage him like this.** But that logical sense was ignored, and her fingers tightened slightly--hesitantly--around his. Carefully she glanced at him out of the corner of her eye, wondering what he was thinking.

M'tone reached over to the bread basket and pulled out one of the soft dinner rolls. He reached it out to her silently, his glance whispering to her the familiar promise - no one needed to know.

She stared at him for a long moment, that familiar desire conflicting with her morals. She had a husband. A good man who loved her. A good man who didn't deserve such a betrayal of her trust. She'd made a promise to him--and to herself when she'd told M'tone no. Her expression was wanting, and wounded. Regretful. Even a little angry. "Is this how it's always going to be?" she asked quietly. "I say we can't....and yet we keep pushing?" She tried to take her hand away, but he held on.

"It's just a touch, Larken," he replied softly. "I'm not asking you to kiss me, or to let me hold you. But please, don't ask me not to touch you. I promise, this is enough."

Larken looked away. "For a man like you, it will never be enough." She knew he wanted to kiss her. To hold her. To have her between his sheets.
And the scariest part of it was that even though she'd told him no, she still desired those same things. It was dangerous. The kindling could very easily and very quickly become a fire if she wasn't careful. He'd told her once that there was nothing wrong with playing with that fire. But it would burn her. Again.

"Shards, Larken, I have never pushed you further than you wanted to go. I wouldn't push you now."

Staring down at their clasped hands, she shook her head.

"If you didn't want to be hold my hand, then why are you _still_ holding it? You need this as much as I do." HIs eyes were almost pleading with her not to pull away. "I won't ask for more, Larken, but don't lie to me and tell me this doesn't feel right."

Her other hand gently cupped his, fingers curling around his wrist, cradling it against her leg. Her eyes traced each rough callus, each white scar. Each bite and nick. It was a strong hand. A hand that had touched her almost as intimately as Ojisan did each night. Swallowing past the lump in her throat, Larken pushed it away. "I can't lie," she told him quietly. "And that's why I can't hold it."

M'tone nodded slowly as he pushed his chair back and reached for his tray.
"All I wanted was to be close to you, Larken. I swear on Encourth's hide, that's all I wanted." It was useless to wait for what she was not ready to give. Maybe this would pass. Maybe it wouldn't. Maybe he just had to find a way to move on. But shards, it would be hard. So hard... "I'll see you around."

Larken couldn't find her voice to reply, and she couldn't look at him as he walked away. Blinking back tears, she looked down at her bowl and the bread roll he had left behind for her. And suddenly she wasn't really hungry anymore.

Last updated on the December 7th 2006

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I Can't Lie