Reflections

Writers: Rochelle
Date Posted: 30th September 2007

Characters: Eleada
Description: Eleada reflects on her life and lover while drinking her tea.
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 6, day 2 of Turn 4

Eleada nursed the small mug of tea in her hands, letting her mind wander from the bitter flavor to the dazzling sunset outside her weyr. It was full of orange and crimson and gold, just visible from her seat around the curve of Gliorith's sleeping bulk. It was beautiful, like so many of the sunsets she could remember at Dolphin Cove. The sunsets at High Reaches had never been so colorful, although she had loved watching the dimming light stain the snow and cast the high peaks that gave the weyr its name into mysterious shadows.

She swallowed briefly, closing her eyes for a moment at the thought of High Reaches. Linrary's face crossed her mind, the thin face warm with a crooked smile. What would Linrary say if she saw her now? She was a wingthird, as high as she could ever hope to reach, being a greenrider, and living in the heart of her family with her sons nearby, something that Linrary had always wanted. Any yet.. She had run, run from the pain of her friend's death and the aching loneliness it caused her, rather than trying to reconnect with people. Just as she had run from Dolphin Cove when the healers had first told her she could no longer have sex indiscriminately, not if she valued her life. She sighed to herself. Despite all the harsh lessons she had learned to the contrary, she was doing it again. The tea she held brought it all back. It was the same bitter brew that she had spent her first few turns as a rider drinking habitually every few weeks. It had not prevented her from conceiving then, but it had been a weaker brew then, and she had been a habitual bed-hopper. She was smarter now, and knew what not to do, knew when and how to say no, even when every instinct in her cried out for someone, anyone, to hold her as the night dragged on. She knew the extremes of the pendulum now, she reflected. Whether she had all the men she wanted, or none at all, it was lonely. Lonely in a way that her dragon could never understand, except that her rider needed people to be happy. It had been a harsh realization, that her behavior could kill her, but it had made her stronger, and taught her to stay in the middle. It had given her Linrary and B'ram.

Eleada knew her friend would have been skeptical of B'ram. He wasn't her usual type, and men always found the restrictions she placed on their relationships wearing after a while. It was what had caused Eleada to hide crying in her weyr more than once, and there had been a few nasty incidents where Eleada had loosened her personal laws enough to allow for their desires, only to lose both the man and a few years of her life in the infirmary.

But B'ram seemed to be one of the rare ones. She wanted him to be, hoped he was. He would be suitably disappointed when she told him no to an offer for a night, but did not press her. And between nights, he was more than just a lover. They could cuddle and talk of nothing important, or go on dates. It didn't matter, just being with him was intoxicating, enough so that she was once again risking her life. She sipped the liquid, then gulped it, realizing it was getting cold, and this brew tasted pretty nasty when cool. She made a face, and set the cup aside. "Yuck."

Gliorith stirred briefly at the sound of her voice, and Eleada stood, crossing over to her beautiful green. Gliorith would never abandon her, never betray her, never accuse her of asking too much. Shards, but she hoped B'ram didn't leave her! the thought of him with another woman made her stomach roil, and she set her jaw as she scratched Gliorith's sleeping head. She knew it was hard to deal with her restrictions, knew that it was too much to ask for him to be hers alone. She had learned that the hard way, at High Reaches. It was too much to expect a man to stay with only her when she couldn't offer him everything. She had learned to look away, to overlook clues of other women. But she still had her pride, and her limits. There were some lines that could not be crossed. And no matter how much she cared for someone, those lines were inviolable.

Trailing her fingers along Gliorith's side, she walked toward the ledge and the brilliant sunset. If B'ram had another woman, he had not made it obvious, and she was grateful. Hurt, but grateful. If he didn't, and found someone else, she could not in good conscious stand in his way, no matter how much she might want to claw the other woman's eyes out. She would look the other way, and let him go. Unless he crossed the line.

Last updated on the October 1st 2007

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Reflections