Just Once...

Writers: Dana, Eimi
Date Posted: 7th May 2008

Characters: Larken, M'tone
Description: Larken tells M'tone he will have to wait until Spring to take her North...
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 9, day 26 of Turn 4

It was the lunch period, but neither Larken nor M'tone would be eating. Once a sevenday Ojisan had to eat his lunch with the apprentices to monitor their behavior. That time, therefore, belonged to the two lovers. He had just had enough time to pull off his wherhide jacket and kick some dirty socks under the sofa when there was a soft knock at the door. Without waiting for him to open it, she slipped in while the hall was still clear of prying eyes.

"How were drills?" Larken asked as she came over, noticing the way his hair curled slightly at his temples from the perspiration. "Too long," he said, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close for a hearty kiss. "The candlemarks couldn't fly by fast enough."

Grinning, she leaned back, running her fingers through his hair. "They couldn't for me either. Sometimes the mornings are just too long."

He started pulling on the strings of her dress, knowing that the candlemark break would go fast. "I talked to a few people and found out where some Gathers will be over the next few restdays."

Her heartbeat began to quicken as his callused fingertips brushed against her skin. Her own fingers were quick at work, and soon she had his shirt loosened. "I talked to him," she murmured, hands sliding to the the wide belt cinched around his waist.

His lips brushed against her ear as his fingers traced her bared spine. "When will he go?" Her arms circled his waist, hands splayed against the bare skin beneath his tunic, and she pressed herself close against him. "Not as soon as I'd like," she sighed, rubbing her cheek against him. "He wants to go as soon as the snow breaks."

M'tone pulled back and looked at her in confusion. "What snow? This is Dolphin Cove. We don't get snow."

"I know that. I mean where his son is."

This was not sounding promising. "Well, when does the snow break where his son is?" "Month eleven." At the earliest, but in seeing his expression, she didn't add that part. "I know it's not as soon as we planned, but he didn't take to the idea of leaving in the next few sevendays. He kept on saying that he wouldn't feel comfortable leaving when their new music piece was giving them so much trouble." Her fingers curled gently against his spine. "I didn't want to push him."

"Oh, for Faranth's sake, Larken." He pulled away from her, feeling a rush of bitter disappointment as all the plans that he had been imagining for days now crumbled around him. "That's _months_ away!"

Her eyes were wide as she stared up at him, shocked by his tone. "I--I know. Shards, M'tone, you know I can't control him."

"Yeah, well he sure seems to control you." And through her, their whole relationship.

She frowned at him. "Not every part of me. I wouldn't _be_ here right now if he controlled every aspect of my nature--of my life."

"Oh who are you kidding? He's right here with you!" M'tone had never said it before, but he had always felt it. "He dictates every part of this relationship, Larken! He's the one who decides when we can meet, where we can go, what we can do, how long we can do it. Once, just _once_ I want to be able to be like a normal couple and be rid of him for a while!"

"And you think that I don't feel the same?" Her voice had risen, blue eyes flashing with a temper that rarely showed. "Every sharding day I think about you, wonder what you're doing, wondering when I can see you again--and I _hate_ knowing that I have to live by a timed schedule with you." The words were tumbling out of her mouth now, and she couldn't stop them. "But I can't sharding help that, M'tone! I hate it, but what can I do? I'm _trying_."

"You can _tell_ him! You can end all these secrets and lies if you would just be sharding honest with him and tell him about me!"

There it was...finally out in the open. Her heart pounded in her ears as an awful silence fell between them. "I can't," she finally whispered.

Another moment passed. "For once I just want to hold you in my arms without smelling him on you."

"And I want... I want to _be_ in your arms."

His small smile was almost painful. "But only so long as he'll let you."

"Faranth, love, what do you want me to say to you? You know I can't leave him." But she couldn't leave M'tone either.

He hated that answer. "You _can't_ leave him? Or you don't _want_ to leave him?"

"Does it matter?" Her anger was back, and--torn--she looked away, her dark hair falling forward to hide her face from him. M'tone reached out and held her arms firmly in his hands. "Yes it matters. That's the only thing that _does_ matter! I would never ask you to choose between us, but I would have you understand that it is your right to make your own _choice_ Larken!"

Her fingers clutched at his tunic as her confused thoughts chased each other, around and around. Shaking her head, she pressed her brow against his shoulder.

"If you want to leave him then _leave_ him, Larken," he said softly, his hand coming to gently cradle the back of her head. "You wouldn't be left alone."

The very thought of leaving Ojisan--of the anguish he would go through--made her throat tighten and tears prick her eyes. "I can't do that to him," she whispered, hands curling tighter into his tunic. After six Turns of marriage, she'd come to care deeply for her husband, and even love him in her own way, though it wasn't the same way he loved her. She knew his feelings for her went deeper than hers for him. Shards, if only she loved him just as much! The guilt she'd been keeping at bay pierced her, and she shivered. If she did, then she wouldn't have to look outside their marriage for what was missing in her life. And now that she'd found M'tone, she couldn't leave him either. Tilting her head back, she gazed up at her lover, reaching up to touch the side of his face. "I can't."

M'tone sighed. He would never understand outsiders and their belief that they could belong to only one person at a time. But it was important to her. It was part of who she was. But he would never truly understand. "I don't want to wait until the spring."

Neither did she. "Maybe he'll change his mind."

"Maybe we should just go and make up some lie to cover your absence." What was one more lie?

Larken lowered her eyes before resting her head against his chest. "Maybe we should."

Last updated on the May 18th 2008

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