Eliste's Answer

Writers: AL, Kaysea
Date Posted: 26th June 2008

Characters: Eliste, Nico
Description: Nico visits Eliste the next day and she gives him her answer.
Location: Elsewhere on Pern
Date: month 10, day 11 of Turn 4

Eliste hadn't been able to sleep. The conversation with Nico earlier in the day weighed upon her mind. It wasn't a bad idea, it was just he didn't know Helvar. Her husband didn't look like much, but she knew he was strong - she had felt that on more than one occasion. She knew he wouldn't be easy to get past and she didn't want anything to happen to her friends, to those whom she'd come to care for so much in the last couple of months. She tossed and turned upon her bed and finally, slowly, started to drift.

Nico had thought hard about his suggestion on the walk back to the boat.
He hadn't made the suggestion with a lot of thought to begin with, but maybe that was all to the good. He had done it for her sake, not his own.
He wanted her to feel safe, and knew that whilst aboard the Sungazer she had felt safe - and cared for. Becoming a part of the crew would afford her the safety she longed for and needed. It would also mean he would see her everyday, and maybe, his hopes could be allowed to rise - one day she may see him the way he saw her. With these thoughts still swimming around in his head, he finally dozed off to sleep.

****

Eliste's sleep had been rather fitful, filled with thoughts over Nico and his proposal. That was what came to mind when she awoke the several times she had awoken. There was hope, but it was shadowed by fear.

She couldn't do it. She couldn't put him at risk. Getting away from Helvar would be a dream, but staying would simply put others in danger.
Eliste refused to put any of her newfound friends into a situation where they could be harmed. No. The best way to go about it was to leave as soon as possible. She hoped it wouldn't be long, but that would depend on the baby.

The Dawn found Eliste waking for the third or fourth time that night and she felt like she couldn't stand to stay in bed any longer. Eliste stood up and dressed. She knew she was walking more than the healer would have liked over the last few days, but she had no indications of any contractions. She would walk then. Walk, and think.

~*~

He was filled with trepidation with first light through the window that morning. Today he would hear Eliste's answer, and he hoped the answer to his most fervent wish would be a positive one. He didn't quite leap out of bed, but felt all morning as if he were floating on air. He barely concentrated on his work, and for once was grateful he didn't need to think to follow his normal routine. As soon as they broke for the day he grabbed a handful of fresh bread and a hunk of the cheese the crew picked up whenever they docked at the waypoint, and headed towards the lodging where Eliste was staying, hoping he would beat Fog and Jardon to her this morning.

Nico didn't find her in her quarters. After a bit of asking, he found her a little ways away, outside, standing upon a hill and watching the river.
She clutched something in her hands, holding it close to her. The breeze teased her hair, tendrils caressing her face. She didn't see or hear Nico drawing nigh.

He approached her slowly, not wishing to alarm her. "Eliste?" her name came out softly, but loud enough for her to hear. "Is everything alright?"
Whatever it was she held in her hands, it was as though she didn't want to let it go.

Eliste jerked, turning around, then lowering her gaze as she flushed in embarrassment. Even voices that were pleasant upon her ears, that gave her no cause to be afraid, even those when hearing them without fully expecting them made her jumpy. Such was the power her husband had over her. He had brought so much fear into her heart, and with good reason.
She didn't want to fear for her friends' lives in addition to those of her own and her child's. She couldn't. She couldn't live with the idea that she might cause them some harm because they would try to protect her.
"I'm fine." She answered softly.

"How are you feeling this morning?" he asked, not wishing too push to hard, but he was sure she could hear his heart beating fast, such was the force within him.

"I'm well, thank you." Eliste didn't meet his gaze, but turned back to the river. She took a deep breath, let it out, then gave him the answer to the question that she knew for certain burned upon his lips. "I can't."

"You can't?" for a moment he wasn't sure he had heard her correctly, and then realised what she meant. He felt the air rush from him, such was his disappointment. His whole being felt as if it were collapsing within, in that disappointment. "Because you're worried about what he will do?" he asked finally, wondering if ther were anything he could say that would convince her that she would be safe with them, that they would be safe from Helvar, should he make his appearance aboard the paddleboat.

"I couldn't bear it if you or anyone else got hurt." Eliste wouldn't look at him, couldn't look at him. She knew he would be hurt by her words and she didn't think she'd keep it together. "But I thank you...for thinking of me."

"I won't press you Eliste. I don't want to upset you more than I already have, I just wish there were some way I could convince you we would all be safe from him."

Eliste shook her head, smiling ever so slightly, eyes glued to the sea.
It pained her to hurt him, and it pained her to think about what she could have, if only Helvar wasn't in her life. If only things had been different. If only....if...if...if..."I'm sorry."

"There's nothing to be sorry for." he took a step forward and lay his hands on her shoulders, "Friends don't need to apologise." he said squeezing her sholders softly in comfort.

He still wanted to be friends. That, at least was a comfort. The assurance brought out a smile and she turned that smile upon him. There could be nothing else, but at least she had his friendship.

"That's better. I don't want to see you hurt." he whispered. It didn't matter that inside he was in shreds, that his last hope of having her as his wife seem to be disappearing. "But, one thing I won't back down on..." he said waggling a finger at her.

"W..what's that?"

"That you still see a harper about separating from Helvar. Even if you think it will do no good, you need to for your own sake. So he really has no claim to you."

Eliste stared at Nico for a moment, then slowly nodded. "All right."
Though she knew it would mean nothing to Helvar.

"You promise?" he asked, considering mentioning it to Jardon so that he would make sure she did.

"Yes." Eliste nodded again. "I promise."

"Good. Because even if you don't think it matters one way or the other, he has less claim on you if you can have the harper declare the union over."

"I will talk to one but...wouldn't it have to be told to Helvar too?"
Eliste asked softly. "I don't want to have to face him."

"I'm sure if you talked to the Harper, something could be said to the Lord Holder back at Emerald Falls, and he could give Helvar the news. Maybe the harper could organise to keep your whereabouts secret too, I'm sure I heard somewhere that Corowal was a decent Lord Holder who wouldn't sanction the treatment you've been receiving from Helvar."

"I don't know." Eliste let her gaze drop once more. "It seemed as if...even though he did what he did to Varel...they believed him when he told them his lie. He was never really questioned. He's an assistant Steward, so he holds some rank, so I suppose that's why."

"If the Lord Holder decrees your union null, I don't see how he can alter or argue it. It will be your choice to end your handfasting. But if you're sure you don't want to..." he shrugged, he couldn't force her to.
"Maybe if you settled in another Hold?"

"It's not that I don't want to." Eliste assured him. "It's just...I did make a vow, even if I'm not there, I still made a vow."

"And so did he. He vowed to love and honour you, as any man should the woman they love." Nico's words were heartfelt and said a little more heatedly than he intended.

He had never loved her, and she had never loved him, yet they had made vows because he had wanted a wife. Her father had truly meant no harm to her but Helvar had never revealed his true face to him. "I should...go inside. I've been out longer than I really should be."

"I'm sorry Eliste, I seem to make things worse, even when I'm trying to help. Do you want me to help you inside, or should I go?"

"No...no, you're fine, really. I'm fine. I...I can go myself." Eliste managed to perk up into a small smile. "Will I...I mean...when does the boat leave? Will you have time for another visit?"

"Tomorrow morning, but yes - if you would like me to come and see you before I go - I will." it helped to know she didn't want to banish him, but would the night be enough for him to recover his emotions, he wondered?

"Yes, that would be lovely. Please." Eliste did her best to smile for him, though the light didn't seem to reach all the way to her eyes. "I do wish to see you before you leave."

"Then I'll come back and see you later, before we sail." with a curt nod, he turned and walked away. His shoulders held back and his head held high, no one would suspect he was a wounded man, would they?

Eliste watched him go, her eyes stinging. She had hurt him, she knew that, no matter how well he tried to hide it. She opened her hands then and look down at their contents. She took up the necklace that she had clutched and clasped it around her neck. She had been holding the boat from Fog as well and she ran her fingers over the smooth wood. Two men, two loves. She closed her eyes. No. Three. She knew that, though Jardon had given her no indication of feeling other than friendship. She knew she loved him too. It didn't matter though. She couldn't have any of them.

Last updated on the June 28th 2008

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Eliste's Answer