Do Old Scars Really Heal?

Writers: Chelle, Vix
Date Posted: 15th August 2008

Characters: Tamaca, E'rae
Description: Tamaca asks E'rae about his threadscore and recovery.
Location: River Bluff Weyr
Date: month 11, day 10 of Turn 4

}:You are watching him again.:{ Jorth swung her head to look at her rider.

**I'm curious,** was Tamaca's reply.

}:He was Scored. So were others.:{ The green dragon could not see why this was so fascinating to the young woman.

**It's not the Scoring,** Tam told the dragon. **It's after.** She pushed away from her lifemate's side. "I'm going to talk to him." Purposefully, she crossed toward the bluerider, smiling as she paused in front of him. "Hi." E'rae had finished looking over the drill patterns for the next wing meeting. They weren't that different from the last ones, so he felt confident. When he shifted, pulling one leg out from under him, he started to hear footsteps, then a voice, directed at him. He looked up and focused on Tamaca. **There is a weyrling saying hello to me**

}:Say hello back:{ Leith encouraged, before going back to flattering a green he had been favoring that sevenday.

"Ah good day," he replied to her, hoping the word hadn't gotten out from Kitali that he was now an advice-giver of some sort. Harpers tended to talk too much.

"I have a question for you." She opened her mouth to say more and faltered, wondering if what she wanted to know was too personal, something that he would not want to share. "I mean. . . I have something I want to ask but it might not be a good question." "Go ahead weyrling...Any question worth thinking about is worth asking." E'rae was watching her now, wondering just what it was that she wanted to know. He could think of so many things.

Tamaca nodded, still studying him. "You were scored, weren't you?" "Aye I was.." He wondered where she'd go with this. So many riders were scored, it wasn't something he thought about anymore Her eyes remained fixed on him. "How did you do it? How did you keep going?" "What do you mean? When I Impressed, I knew there was a chance I'd be scored or even killed during Fall. It's something you have to accept everytime you go up there." E'rae didn't understand. The bluerider had been lucky, he knew, compared to some.

The young woman shook her head. "You didn't know for sure, though those at the Weyrs thought Thread would return. And you didn't know how bad it would be, had never talked to anyone who had experienced it. None of you did." She peered at him more intently. "What made you accept it while others felt sorry for themselves and gave up?" "You can't say that I didn't know when I say I knew. Don't dare to tell me what I have or have not thought, weyrling." E'rae did not like her style of conversation and it was clear already. "It wasn't as bad for me as it could have been. For that I am thankful." He had had to accept it. He had had to move on since it was his duty to fly fall as a rider. He'd recovered and flown again, despite the fear and the possibility.

Tamaca was becoming more uncomfortable speaking to this man by the moment, but she pressed on. "Alright, maybe you had accepted that it might happen, but others had not. To others it was a far-off possibility, though deemed by many to be probable. Is that what makes the difference in recovery – the acceptance ahead of time that it could happen?" "I suppose it helps. Still there are some that get through it that never thought it would happen to them." He was forced to think on the subject, his mind running through examples he had seen. "Most of the ones that do well have loved ones that depend upon them. A purpose...gives strength."

"Oh," she remarked softly. "I suppose that could explain it." "Me...sometimes it helps to know that there were riders before me that flew Fall, were scored, and went on. I mean...it's Tradition and Duty." To E'rae, those two words were the most important parts of his life.

"Tradition and Duty," she repeated before looking up at him again. "Do you ever feel guilty that you survived when others did not?" "What's the point of feeling guilty? It doesn't help bring the others back nor does it help me to do my duty." He looked at her closely. He could tell now that she was dealing with something.

"But someone saying that doesn't stop the guilt." Tam shook her head, frowning. "I've tried." "You're right... Saying anything doesn't mean much. Unless you believe what you say or if you do what you say." A man of action and few words, the bluerider certainly seemed to live by what he was saying. "How have you tried?"

"My brother." She shrugged her shoulders. "He feels guilty about the death of our other brother." "Ah so the problem isn't you then, it's someone else." He looked at her, judging her quietly. "Why does he feel responsible for it? After all, it's just your brother specifically yes, not others he knew that perished?"

She shook her head. "He feels guilty that he's the one who survived while our other brother died. I know it doesn't make sense but it's the way he sees it." "Has he ever spoken to a healer or someone about it?" Perhaps the young fellow was just mixed up and needed help. If he was headstrong, that was even more likely.

"Probably." She paused. "Maybe. He's spent enough time with healers over the past few turns." She sighed. "Of course, he doesn't see it as a problem, but just as the way it is. I'm just trying to understand him." "Then maybe it isn't a problem for him. Maybe it's a reason to keep him a little sharper when he's up there. Maybe it's something that he's just accepted." E'rae shrugged, thinking again that he wasn't the one to help her. Everyone was different.

"Maybe." Personally Tamaca thought that it was a problem and would continue to do so, but this conversation was getting her nowhere. She managed a smile for the bluerider. "Thank you for your time."

"Aye, you're welcome for it. Have a good day, weyrling." E'rae had spoken more words in those few moments with Tamaca than he usually did in a candlemark. Perhaps he had seen a bit of himself in her.

Last updated on the August 16th 2008

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Do Old Scars Really Heal?