That's It ,Then?

Writers: Clancey, Dana
Date Posted: 2nd January 2006

Characters: Traelyn, J'darin
Description: The Weyrleaders get into an arguement...
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 9, day 9 of Turn 3

J'darin

Her body was gracefully inclined against the side-paneling of the door and she was smiling softly up at him once he had finally opened it. "Nyith said you wanted to see me? I'm a little surprised...you usually don't call me til later, J'darin."

He'd been stewing for a day or two over this, and when she opened the door, he had a moment where he fought with himself on choking her or kissing her. He stared at her for a long moment.

When Hasaarth had casually mentioned Nyith being gone, he had thought nothing of it. After all Traelyn deserved some time alone, too, and that had been right before the gold had clutched.

But when B'ram had mentioned to him that he'd seen a strange bronze land on her ledge about 5 days ago, and then the two of them vanish together, he had put two and two together for the day and gone through the roof. He had railed at Hasaarth, who took it as he always did, calmly, and then railed at the furniture in his Weyr. Hasaarth hadn't seemed to mind his mate going off with a strange bronze, though surely he must have known when it happened. And he hadn't told his rider! If he knew..

}: I knew. I did not think it was important. :{ Hasaarth said a little apologetically.

Not answering, he drug his mind back to the present, he focused on her again. "I came by to tell you I won't be calling on you later. I'm sure you'll find someone else to amuse you, you seem to be very good at that."
He didn't yell, although he wanted to. Instead he was calm. He was _not_
going through another relationship never knowing where the woman he cared for was spending the night. Rather keep it business and he could find a greenrider or two willing to keep him company if he got lonely enough.
Apparently, no women in the Weyr were able to sleep with just one or two men. That was fine, that was the Weyr. But he wanted one that -was-
willing to do just that.

Her smile faded into a frown. What on _Pern_... "J'darin, _what_ are you talking about?"

"I'm sure you thought I wouldn't find out, Weyrwoman. But I did. Did you enjoy your nice little jaunt with that bronzerider from Dragonsfall?
Another bronzerider from Dragsonfall? Are you sure you want to be here with me, when all the men you sleep with are _there_?" He took a breath and was noticeably calmer when he spoke, though his voice shook a little from sadness, maybe anger. "I'm not here to tell you how to live your life, Traelyn. But you can do without me while you have fun."

She stared at him, feeling her irritation beginning to rise another couple notches. He was unbelieveable! "Oh, I _do_ think you're trying to tell me how to live - or at least implying how you want me to behave!"

"You're wrong, Traelyn." His voice was deadly quiet. "You can behave however you want, but just don't expect me to share your bed while you're sleeping with all those other men. I won't lie to you. I want a...
partner.." He stumbled a bit over the word. "One who is as faithful as possible in the Weyrs. I know Weyrs don't lend themselves to one lover..
but more than two is more than I can handle. Have your fun. Enjoy your men."

Her jaw clenched, her temper looming. Sharding, _sharding_ bronzerider!

She tried to shove down the stinging of the blow he'd delt her with his few, quiet words. "More than you can _handle_? So you condemn us - or whatever _us_ is - because I won't lie with only you?" Of all the _sharding_...

"I went through this already once, with Kalina. I will _not_ do it again.
I will _not_. Its very simple, Traelyn. You want something I can't give you, and I want something you can't give me. I'm not condemning anything.
But this won't work. You have no idea what its like to wonder, and wait.
And love. Most Weyrfolk don't. But I know. I felt it, and it was not what I wanted. I sharding don't know if I can resist you... I've enjoyed this last sevenday or so.. " He trailed off, looking at her.

She looked back at him. "On the contrary, J'darin... I _do_ know what it's like to wonder, to wait. To love. And to lose." Her voice had suddenly gone quiet. Yes...she knew very well. Shoving down those flittings of memories that threatened to resurface, she crossed her arms over her chest.

"Oh yes, Traelyn. I have heard of L'kub. But you were very young." He said in that same deadly voice. "Maybe you do know, but I do not want to share you with half the bronzeriders of other weyrs. _Especially_ other Weyrs. But your life is your own, and I can choose not to put either of us through it."

Her upper lip curled at his tone. Did he think she didn't really know what love was? She knew! The way he called her "young" was so sharding condescending! "We hardly know each other. How can you expect that of me? I certainly don't expect it from you!" It was then when what he'd said before pierced through the fog of her rising temper. L'kub. He'd said his _name_. Her dark eyes hardened and her voice had gone very quiet. Too quiet as she snarled softly, "How do you know about L'kub?"

"B'ram mentioned his name, though he told me no details other than you were young. Besides, if I wanted details, I'd have asked you." He said, moving on past that as if was not important.

"But you're right, Traelyn. We hardly know each other, and it looks like we'll be keeping it that way." He looked at her again, his eyes sad. "I told you early what I went through with Kalina. I will not do it again.
So, I don't expect anything of you. I just choose to take myself out of the choices. You clearly have plenty of other men. I didn't mean only me, but shards.. within reason, please. You ride a gold dragon." He paused. "You are my Weyrwoman and I am your Weyrleader. We can work together. But that is all. Enjoy them, Traelyn. I hope they make you happy." The last was added seriously, he meant that genuinely.

Her jaw had tightened so much that her teeth hurt. Would he _ever_ stop comparing her to Kalina? She _was not_ her. Traelyn's fists clenched as she glared at him, her pride stinging and her anger rising....rising...

_Just_ when she thought they were going to start afresh, just when she thought that maybe there was something there between them - an understanding of sorts - just when she began to develope her new opinion of him, he does _this_! So sharding _what_ if she had relations with other men! She wouldn't give a sharding crack if _he_ had relations with other women! It happened. This was a Weyr they lived in, not a Hold. Traelyn knew he was craftbred...was _that_ the reason for his sharding inhibitions?

She wasn't going to deny that she'd enjoyed the time they'd been spending together... But it was like there were two sides to him! He treated her like a woman when they were between the sheets, but outside of them... Two different faces of J'darin, but he was still one and the same. And how _dare_ he use that condescending tone with her - condemning what she'd told him because of her 'youth'. To _shards_ with youth! She knew what she'd felt all those Turns ago. Angrily, she shoved those fleeting memories down.

Sharding bronzerider. _Sharding_ man. He would never stop judging her. Never. And this was the clincher. And it sharding hurt.

"So that's it then?" Her tone was hard. Just like her eyes.

He was quiet for a moment, watching her. His hardness evaporated and the coolness. She misunderstood, he could tell. He didn't care what she did; let her sleep with as many men as she wanted. He just didn't want to be one of many. Perhaps it was a pride thing..

There was nothing in him of anger any longer, and least of all judgement. It _was_ a Weyr. "I just don't want to be one of many, Traelyn." He whispered softly. "I just don't _want_ that. I'm as free to want that as you are free to _not_. But don't be angry at me for wanting something different than you."

One hand touched her cheek once before she could move away and he nodded.
"We work well together, and I hope we will still be able to."

It took all of her will not to flinch away from his touch. She gazed at him for a long moment, her expression angry, hurt even, before looking away. "So do I."

Last updated on the January 2nd 2006

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That's It ,Then?