You're Not Mad?

Writers: Heather, Miriah
Date Posted: 19th March 2014

Characters: K'lvin, Bahji
Description: K'lvin comforts a distraught Bahji
Location: River Bluff Weyr
Date: month 6, day 6 of Turn 7
Notes: Mentioned: E'rae; Follows "Not Ready"

Bahji had spent the night sobbing into her pillow, Burst curled up
tightly by her neck in an effort to soothe the distressed weaver. The
things E'rae had said, and insinuated, still resonated in her ear. **
I was there when you were a blind hold girl that no one
wanted....spread your legs for bronze hide...you are so selfish...you
didn't even care for our dead son..** The words kept rebounding over
and over in her mind, nauseating in their harshness. She had nothing
left in her stomach, and too many tears.

Her hand trembled on her stomach as she curled into a fetal position,
her head covered by a pillow. At that moment, she hated E'rae. Hated
him for believing that she was so cold. Hated him for saying those
things about K'lvin. **That bronzerider came to you after talking to
me. He knew exactly what he was doing and you let him. Because all you
cared about was your pleasure.** She buried her face deeper in the
pillow and didn't hear the knock on her door.

K'lvin hadn't seen Bahji since she had joined him in the Dining Cavern
to celebrate his promotion to Wingleader. He knew that it was mostly
his fault because of his new schedule, well, that and he had hoped
that Bahji would come see him. She had told him though of her
reservations when it came to showing up at his weyr so he wasn't
completely surprised.

When he knocked on her door and received no answer, K'lvin nearly
left, thinking he had missed her. Xmrenth's voice, however, stopped
him.

}: Her firelizard says she is inside.:{

K'lvin looked at the door for a moment, studying the wood grain as he
debated whether or not entering would be a disruption of her privacy.
Deciding that he could ask for forgiveness later, K'lvin pushed open
the door cautiously, "Bahji?"

Bahji stayed curled up on the bed and covered her head with a pillow.
Her soft cries were muffled, and she tried to stifle them as she heard
the familiar voice through the stuffing of the pillow. "Just a
minute.."

K'lvin frowned, but said, "I will be waiting outside when you are
ready." The bronzerider slipped back outside and shut the door,
exhaling deeply. It didn't take a genius to figure out that something
was wrong. He had never seen Bahji in anything other than a great
mood, her spunk was one of the things he admired about her.

She pushed herself up, hurriedly wiping at her eyes before rising to
go to the basin of water. She washed her face, but nothing could hide
the eyes red and swollen from weeping. She hadn't expected to see
K'lvin today and so hadn't made an effort to look pretty, especially
considering the night and day she had spent curled up in bed. She
dipped her hands in the water and ran them through her short hair,
fingercombing it into some semblance of neatness before she returned
to sit on the bed. "Come in..."

K'lvin heard her voice through the door and entered, quietly closing
it behind him as he did. His eyes took in the red splotches on her
face and he reached out for her hand as he sat down on the bed with
her, "What's wrong with my weaver?"

Oh Faranth, she had to tell him too. Would he react the same way?
Would he reject her and the babe too? Unbidden, a tear leaked from her
eye falling on her cheek before she hurriedly wiped it away. "I'm
sorry, K'lvin. I didn't mean for this to happen. Just..." She inhaled
and wiped at her eyes again, trying to stop a new onrush of tears as
she could only whisper out, "I'm pregnant..." She wound her hands in
her skirts. "I took my teas...I swear I did. Every morning." She
stiffened, silently pleading at him not to yell at her. "I don't know
how who the father is..."

"Sweetheart," he reached out and drew Bahji to him, enveloping her in
a large warm hug. That's what she was upset about? **She is holdbred,
K'lvin.** He reminded himself. It probably was very upsetting for
someone of Bahji's background to find herself in this position. "A
baby is wonderful, if you want it," he pressed a kiss to the top of
her head. "Am I a possible father?"

She nodded. "Yes...you and E'rae. The only two men I've ever been
with." She began leaking tears again as she tried to control her
overflowing emotions. Her words were watery. "I know. And I do want
it...but...I'm not a bad person. I'm not..."

"Of course you are not a bad person." He gave her a squeeze, "I hope I
am not the cause of these tears, Bahji. You know I'll be here for you
during the pregnancy. Ask anything of me and I will make sure it's
yours." Shards, he already loved Kylena so much that he could only
imagine how he would feel having a child that was part of Bahji.

She shook her head and buried her face into his shoulder. "You're
not." She sniffed hard and winced at the headache that had come from
the excessive weeping. "I told E'rae. He..it didn't turn out good."

K'lvin's lips turned down into a frown, "Ah, E'rae. What did he have
to say about being the father?"

That started up a new round of soft sobs. Needing comfort, Bahji
crawled right into K'lvin's lap and buried her face into his chest,
her legs curled up nearly to her chest. "He screamed at me. He said
awful things."

"He screamed at you?" K'lvin tried to keep his voice casual, but he
knew that Bahji's perceptive hearing would pick up on the underlying
anger immediately. **Perhaps this bluerider needs a lesson in
manners.**

She nodded, so lost in her upset, that she really didn't pick up on
any anger. Speaking softly and needing to get the words out of her
head, she told him the harsh words that E'rae had had for her. The
screams, the accusations and her own reactions: her own fright, deep
hurt, and anger.

If K'lvin's arms hadn't been around the slight young woman in his arms
his hands would have been clenched into fists. That E'rae would dare
to speak to Bahji in such a manner infuriated the bronzerider. And the
way that E'rae had tried to insinuate that K'lvin had been some
vulture waiting on an easy target made his lip curl. **It is a good
thing that boy lover tucked tail and transferred or I would teach him
to keep his big mouth shut.** It rankled with K'lvin that E'rae had
taken his anger out on Bahji and then left like some coward.

"I am sorry, Bahji."

Her voice was whisper soft. "It's not your fault. It's mine."

The man's eyebrows shot up, "Your fault? How so? I think making babies
requires two people, yeah?"

She nodded slowly, still resting her head against his chest.
"But...you're not mad? You don't think I'm like that?"

"Of course I am not mad." K'lvin stroked Bahji's hair from her face,
"I could never think poorly of you in any way.... You could use that
to your advantage." He teased, hoping to lift her spirits, "Tell me
truthfully, Bahji, how big is my chance of being the father?"

She gave a watery half-smile that then faltered and she sucked in her
lower lip. "There's a chance, but it's..uhm...slim. They don't know
exactly how far along I am, but they said if I'm far enough along that
I'm getting sore then..." She sighed and closed her eyes. "Then it's
more than likely his."

The man's heart sunk in his chest, "Well that's... Disappointing."
K'lvin didn't think that E'rae deserved to be the father of Bahji's
child, but then, there was little he could do about that, "It doesn't
change anything, though. If you need me for anything, I am here."

"He doesn't want it." She said softly. "And it could still be yours,
K'lvin. They don't know."

"Then it will be mine." He vowed.

She went still and breathing slowly and carefully. "But...you won't
know for sure." Her fingers curled against his chest, not knowing how
to respond to his words. "We might never be sure."

"That doesn't matter to me. I would love your child no less than I
love Kylena. But this is a decision for you, Bahji, I won't barge in
and force this on you. If you want me to be the father, I will, no
questions asked, and if you just want me to support you from the
sidelines, I can do that too."

She pressed her cheek against his chest and her body lost some of the
tension that had coiled it so tightly. That he would make that offer
so readily and without knowing for certain if the child was his eased
the hurt that had been festering. "You would do that? For me and the
child?" She hugged him around the chest tightly. "Thank you....thank
you... I was so afraid that you'd be angry."

"I am angry, very angry actually," K'lvin sighed, "at E'rae. I don't
care how he was raised, he has been a dragonrider long enough to know
better. His behavior is inexcusable."

"Don't be," she said softly. "It's done."

Last updated on the March 21st 2014

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You're Not Mad?